How Long Must We Wait??

It has been almost 6 weeks since my husband's last appointment at the U.S. embassy in San Salvador.  I have been trying not to talk about it because I don't want to sound negative and whiney, but something's got to give!  We have our whole life in the hands of this one doctor AGAIN.  I feel like a broken record...if it's not one doctor, it's another.  

All this doctor needs to do is sign ONE piece of paper and send it on.  What is the hold up??  Hubby has been calling consistently to only get responses like "call back later and we will have your file pulled" and "the doctor is reviewing your case".  And of course when he calls back, they typically don't answer.  I would without a doubt call them myself if I spoke any decent amount of Spanish!

He even went in person last week and they explained how there was some confusion because of all the different doctors he has seen in the past 20 months down there.  I can kind of see that, but does it seriously take 6 weeks to sort it all out?!  It's all right there in the file.  

I've tried calling the embassy with no luck.  The person I speak with is never in the right department and apparently it's impossible to speak with someone on the phone in the department I need.  

I've emailed my lawyer asking her to help, to send an inquiry to the embassy or something.  She hasn't responded to my email.  

On Wednesday there is an open time that you can inquire on cases in person at the embassy and we already have a plan for hubby to go and speak with them.  After going there, he will go to the doctor's office in person again.  It's a long ride by bus to get there so he will do it all in one day.

I hope this trip to San Salvador will help in some way for us.  But if it doesn't, I sent him a little money today to get himself a nice meal and see a movie or whatever he wants to do to treat himself and to try and relax.  He deserves it and since I didn't send him anything for Christmas, this will be my present!  

Define American

I came across a link someone had posted on Facebook this evening and feel compelled to share with you all.  The website is www.defineamerican.com.  Everyone is being encouraged to go on here and share our stories!  This is what they say about Define American:

Our immigration system is broken — and fixing it requires a conversation that's bigger and more effective than the one that we've become accustomed to.

Define American brings new voices into the immigration conversation, shining a light on a growing 21st century Underground Railroad: American citizens who are forced to fill in where our broken immigration system fails. From principals to pastors, these everyday immigrant allies are simply trying to do the right thing. Some are driven by a biblical call to social justice, while others believe this is a moral imperative. They, like Harriet Tubman and countless brave Americans before them, are willing to take personal risks in order to do what is right. These heroes need to be the center of this national conversation. Together, we are going to fix a broken system.

Our campaign is about asking: How do we define an American? Why do people come to this country? Who are the American citizens who help them? When it comes to undocumented immigrants, what would you do? As a teacher? A friend? A mother?

I just found out about this website not even 20 minutes ago and I've been on it reading stories and thinking about how I want to share my own.  I think one of the things all of us caught up in this immigration madness want is to be able to share our stories.  This feels like a good format to do that.  I think that getting people aware is what it will take to make things change.  

I still get people asking me all the time why Eduardo doesn't automatically get a visa because we are married! I always find it my duty to inform people on the realities of the laws and how screwed up this system is.  

I encourage anyone out there going through this to tell your story.  I also encourage anyone that may be a friend or just someone who feels strongly about this issue to share your stories and thoughts as well.  

Sometimes I don't even cry for my situation.  I cry for all the other families out there that are suffering from our harsh immigration laws and how this madness has to stop!  Please re-post this link wherever you can :)

Still Waiting

I had so much invested in Eduardo's appointment at the embassy last Wednesday.  Unfortunately things didn't go according to plan.  Big surprise?  Not really.  It's taken me a few days to recover and move on to be able to even put this post together.

Apparently when hubby talked with the psychiatrist last week, the guy flat out lied to him.  He had said he had spoken with the medical doctor and that everything was fine and the papers had been sent on to the embassy.  Well, the embassy never received the reports, which means my husband's case still is not complete.  They did make a call to the doctor's office and found out the doctor had the papers, but they had not been signed.

The embassy did however have Eduardo do everything else he would need to in order to get his visa and all our documents were turned in and reviewed and we had all that in order.  Yay!  (I was nervous about that).  So according to the embassy, once they receive the medical reports, they will send off the passport to hubby in the mail.

Eduardo did still make a visit to the doctor's office to find out what the hell had possibly happened.  They claim that the psychiatrist did not even send the papers until Monday and they had just received them on Tuesday, which was not enough time to forward them on to the embassy by the Wednesday morning appt.  The doctor was busy and hadn't had time to look at them.  Also, once the doctor looks at them, Eduardo will have to go to the office and sign the papers as well.

He called on Friday to check on the progress, but the office was closed of course.  He is going to try again tomorrow, Monday.  Hopefully we can get those papers off to the embassy ASAP!

Everyone has been great and really positive, but it was a huge blow for me.  It may seem like a minor setback, but when your whole life is on hold and you are hanging on with everything you've got, the little things feel huge.  I think both Eduardo and I are almost getting numb to this process now and I don't think that's a good thing.

I don't feel positive and I don't feel negative about it now.  It hurts too much to get let down and it takes too much energy to be angry and mad about it.  So I'm just waiting.  I don't know how else to describe it.  For the first time in this process I don't even hardly feel like talking about it anymore.  And I sure do like to talk!  lol.

Hopefully one day soon I can get on here and share with you that my husband is home.  One day soon....

One Step Forward and Two Steps Back

...That is how this immigration process is feeling at the moment.  After 3 days of intense medical tests last week, the gastroentologist finally concluded that Eduardo's physical issues are not alchohol-related as we already knew.  The doctor was a very nice guy and even wrote Eduardo a long note to the psychiatrist explaining his condition and what the cause was.  His liver and kidney are no longer enlarged and he basically just needs to lose 20 lbs to get the extra fat away from his organs.  

We were so happy by that news and Eduardo went straight over the the psychiatrist's office with the note and medical records he had requested.  The doctor was not in and he explained everything to the secretary.  The secretary then called the psychiatrist and he said to have Eduardo call the next day and to get a note from the AA meetings he has been attending saying he has been going there every day.  

So he called the next day as instructed only to be told that his appointment is scheduled for October 25th and that's when he should go, despite the test results.  AND he has to continue to go to the AA meetings every single night.  Luckily my dear husband is actually finding some comfort in those meetings and it's helping to pass the days.  He tried to beg and plead with the psychiatrist, but he got transferred back to the secretary who then told him that it was a bad day to call because the doctor was in a really bad mood!  So this one guy's bad mood is basically screwing our lives?!  

Poor Eduardo was so devastated.  I have felt kind of numb to the news.  There have been times when I want to break down and cry, but I haven't allowed myself to quite yet.  There is so much anger and hurt and frustration that I can't even express any emotion about it.  Usually I am quite open and wanting to share our immigration experiences with anyone and everyone, but I just can't right now.  It's almost too much to bear to even think about.  

So we are now back to looking at November.  I had already called the embassy to reschedule his final appointment and being hopeful I scheduled it for September 28th.  Eduardo will still go and turn in all the documents that we have and explain what is going on with the medical so they don't start to question things.  Then in the end hopefully all we will need is the medical signed and he can get his visa.  I think my heart just might break in half if he is not here by Thanksgiving, so that is my prayer.  

Thank you to everyone who is supporting us through this time.  I'm doing what I can to keep Liliana feeling safe and secure without her papi.  I know she misses him dearly.  She even tells me all the time.  The thing she wants more than anything in the world is "to sit on papi's lap on the couch." :(

I know big things are awaiting us and each day new opportunities are opening up for me here.  I'm praying this is all for a bigger reason and that someday soon that reason will be revealed.  Until then, we welcome all prayers!!

Pysch Evaluation Gone Bad...

Our immigration case has taken a turn for the worse, unfortunately.  Eduardo went on Friday for his Embassy required psych evaluation.  At the evaluation he learned that the medical reports from the medical exams he had the week before showed some problems including an enlarged liver.  For most people this might not have looked so bad, but for him it did.  

I'm hesitant to even talk about it here as it's very personal, but my poor hubby had a DUI in 2007.  It was Halloween and we had been drinking and it was really just as much my fault as his.  But he's the one that got caught and we have been paying the price dearly since then.  Maybe by telling you all it will help someone out there see that the effects of drinking and driving are not worth it AT ALL!  

So anyway, because of his prior history, the enlarged liver is being seen as he might have a current problem with alcohol.  We know this is ridiculous because he barely has money for food in El Salvador, let alone alcohol, but there seems to be nothing we can do to change the mind of the psychiatrist at this point.  

We all have had MANY physical problems and sicknesses while being in El Salvador.  It took Liliana and I at least a month to recover after coming back to the States.  I think Eduardo's problems have only gotten worse due to his diet since I have left.  I am not there to take care of him and make sure he eats well.  And there's only so much money I can afford to send him every week.  It makes me really sad to think about it :(  

So for now the psychiatrist has basically sentenced him to 2 months of alcohol classes.  He has an appointment to return to the doctor on October 25th at which time the doctor said he will approve his medical waiver and we can proceed like we thought we were going to now.  

Tomorrow morning, Eduardo is also supposed to schedule an appointment with a gastroentologist to see what is really going on.  I'm praying for 2 things:  1) That they come to the conclusion that  alcohol is NOT the cause of his problems and 2) that my husband DOES NOT have some serious illness!  We don't know yet when the appointment will be or when the test results will come after the appointment.  All we know is that he will not be coming home soon.

When he told me I sobbed like I haven't since we left El Salvador.  It was too much to handle.  My poor baby witnessed it all too and I feel bad about that.  None of us slept that night.  I am carrying on now because I have to, but I'm torn up inside.  The only thing getting me through these days was thinking he would be home soon.  

I will keep you posted on what becomes of all this, if anything.

The Checklist

We received the next step in our process last Friday.  It's THE CHECKLIST.  Oooh.  Eduardo received a packet of information in the mail including his official approval letter and a list of all the documents we need to gather and bring to the last interview.  Included in this, he is also required to have another medical exam since it has been over a year since the first one he had.  This will run us another $300 or so like the first one and some doctor in El Salvador is getting really rich off of the poor bastards people like us that have no choice but to go to them.

Eduardo has been trying to call to schedule his final appointment with no luck today.  He can't seem to get through to the right person who does the scheduling.  They won't just connect you with someone else, you see.  You have to hang up and call the numbers in the "packet", which is a number that will cost you $7 to call of course.  Again, a super wonderful way for them to make money.  We have to pay to make our own fricking appointment!  I'm hoping to hear back from someone on the forum to see if there is another number we can call.

Eduardo actually went for the medical today with again no luck.  He got there at 7am and it was too late.  The offices were closed on Monday so there was a backlog of people waiting.  They had reached the maximum amount of people for the day and told Eduardo to go back tomorrow and be there at 5am.  

The biggest bummer was that Eduardo had driven the car into the city and now wasted $20 in gas for NOTHING.  $20 may not seem like a lot to most people, especially in the States.  But in El Salvador, it's a lot of money and for hubby right now, it's a LOT of money.  Poor guy :(  So he drove home and packed a bag to then take the bus back to the city.  He is staying at his aunt's house tonight because there's not a bus from our town that will get him to the city by 5am.  He will call me tomorrow after the appointment.  

So I'm hoping tomorrow we make some progress and I will update ya'll.  My goals for tomorrow are to 1.) have Eduardo's medical exam done and 2.) to have his final appointment at the embassy scheduled.  The appointments are being scheduled for 3-4 weeks out at this point so I'm hoping that will give us a general idea of when he may be able to come back.  Yay!!  Whenever it is, it's not soon enough :)

From the Beginning

I'm so excited there have been a lot of new visitors to the blog lately!  I have had a lot of questions about how my family's immigration process began.  I've pretty much blogged about it from the point of when we decided to go to El Salvador.  It was on a different blog though and I still have yet to merge the two.  Feel free to check out www.toelsalvadorandback.blogspot.com to read about how the process went for us in the beginning. It also chronicles our 9-day trip driving from Indiana to El Salvador.  I hope you enjoy and for those of you in El Salvador or going through the process, I hope you get a laugh or some comfort in knowing you are not alone in your experiences :)  Then come back here and share your comments!  

One of the greatest gifts I have gotten over the past 3 years is this amazing online community I have formed through this blog, the Immigrate2us forum and on Facebook.  I know it's my purpose now to support and share my experiences with others the way so many have helped me and have been able to show me the light at the end of the tunned when there was none in sight.  Thanks to everyone for that :)  I will never stop fighting for immigration reform and immigrant rights!!

Our Waiver is Approved!

We found out on Monday that our waiver has been approved in El Salvador!  Yay!!!  I know so many people have been right there with us through this process and praying for us and with us through all our struggles.  I want to thank everyone for that.  Without this blog and all of our online support in particular, I don't know how I would have gotten through the past 3 years of this immigration "nightmare".  

Our waiver was officially approved on July 26th, 2011.  

We are now waiting for the next step in the process.  It's not over yet!!!  It won't be over until I see my love walking towards us in the airport.  

We are waiting for the embassy to send us or call us with a checklist of documents that may need to be updated.  Since our waiver was officially approved in under a year, we may not need to update many things, hopefully just the solvencia (police report) and his birth certificate.  Once we find out what we need then we get his last appointment date to turn those documents in and they do one last interview with him.  After that, they will send the passport with the visa stamped in it to our house in El Salvador.  Once Eduardo receives that passport, I will book the tickets for him to fly home!  

Now getting all these last things wrapped up can take weeks or months. I am praying it will not take long.  PLEASE let Eduardo return in a couple weeks!!  PLEASE!!  

Sunshine Daydreams

Is it Monday yet??  I keep asking myself this.  Fortunately I am keeping myself busy with work and playing with the cutest little girl in the world until Monday morning.  But being busy certainly isn't keeping me from thinking and daydreaming about the future.

For a long time I surrendered to our state of unknown about life.  I gave up on trying to figure it all out and about constantly wishing for the future.  I had to stop daydreaming about what life would be like once we were all back in the States together again.  

Well since Monday the daydreaming is back full force.  It's been hard today not to get carried away in how everything is going to be.  I'm a doer and an organizer and planner.  I like knowing what's going on at all times.  I think this is the biggest growth I have had since living in El Salvador.  Learning to let go of CONTROL.  If you are involved in the immigration process in any way, you know that you have absolutely no control.  For the control freak like me, this has been a good learning process for me.  It hasn't been easy, but I've had to find a balance in life.  

Today I just couldn't help myself.  I found myself on the phone with Eduardo trying to plan our future.  I wanted to know where we are going to live when he comes back, where he will work, where we will get the money for the place to live, what we will do in the meantime during the wait until he actually gets his social security number and on and on and on.  My mind when crazy for a minute with ideas and questions.  

Thank God I have my husband to bring me back down to earth.  We discussed some of my questions, but it wasn't really going anywhere.  He finally said to me very nicely that he wasn't going to entertain any more of my daydreaming until after Monday.  He said after Monday, he will discuss anything in the world that I want, but not before then.

I can understand where he is coming from.  We don't really know what's going to happen on Monday and it really is fruitless to keep trying to answer questions there are no answers for.  I just have to be patient and know that it will all work out like it has up until this point.

I never imagined I would do so well coming back to the States on my own for instance.  But it's been a good learning experience for me and everything that has happened has just happened.  There hasn't been too much to plan.  Opportunities just seem to present themselves.  That's where I get to step back and allow things to happen.  

Luckily my Grandma is coming tomorrow and will spend the night and we will see my aunt on Saturday.  Hopefully with all that and my markets and making veggies this weekend, I won't have too much time to daydream :)

The Verdict is in...

BUT they haven't revealed what it is yet! 

On Monday I was doing my daily check-in at www.immigrate2us.net and I saw that someone on the El Salvador forum had their waiver approved.  The exciting part was they turned their visa waiver in the EXACT same day as we did!  I got so excited I could hardly breathe.  I knew our turn would be next and I was determined to find out if the embassy had received the additional hardship evidence I had turned in.

You see last Wednesday I finally compiled all my new documentation of my current hardships now that we are living in the U.S.  I kept feeling this urgency to get the papers to the embassy and my attorney was not being any help.  I decided to scan everything and send it by e-mail.  I kept wondering if I should fax it as well, but I kept hearing that it was really expensive to fax internationally, like $5/page and I had about 22 pages.  I emailed my attorney about this and once again didn't get any feedback.

So back to Monday.  I decided I would call the embassy and find out if they received my additional evidence.  I searched everywhere for the phone numbers.  I probably called about 10 different numbers to all different places to find out what I could.  I finally found a number that worked.  

I got right through to the exact person I needed to speak with directly at the embassy.  She was very nice and helpful.  I told her I was checking to see if they received the evidence for my husband's case.  She asked for his name and looked up his file.  She told me that they did not receive the evidence, but that a decision has been made on our case!  I was in shock.  I repeated what she said.  BUT, she then said she couldn't tell me the decision or any details on the phone.  That I have to either wait for the letter or have Eduardo go into the office next Monday.  He could have gone today, Wednesday, but of course they were closed for holidays today :(  I asked again if they had taken into consideration my additional evidence and she said there is no record of receiving that, but they did make a decision on the case.  Ugh!!  

So I'm not sure how to feel at this point.  I was flying high on Monday.  I seriously felt like I had 10 shots of espresso in me and didn't know what to do or who to call.  Thank God Eduardo made it home and we were able to talk about everything.  We are both worried about them not knowing I am living in the States now, but hopefully it doesn't matter.  Hopefully they approved us anyway and we can move on.  

Since it's under one year since we filed our waiver, we hopefully will not have to do the medical exam again and provide the current taxes and some other documents.  Those things seem to set people back even after the approval.  My mom and stepdad are our co-sponsors and they haven't even done their 2010 taxes so I'm praying to God they don't ask for them!!  

So stay tuned to what happens next.  Will it be an Approval or a Denial???  Let's all pray for the best :)

Good news is that even if it's a denial, I recently found out that it will actually be a NOID, which is an Notice of Intention to Deny.  They send you that and give you 30 days to send in additional evidence that may help your case and eventually end up with the approval.  So either way it comes out, I feel hopeful that it will work out for us.  I would then be able to send my documents in again at that point.  

But again, let's hope it's just an approval!!!  I'll let you know what happens on Monday...

Waiver Processing Times

I realized it is the end of July and I have only blogged once!  I think I've been trying to figure out what I want this blog to be, but I need to just keep being myself and let whatever comes out be how it is :)

Well I have GOOD NEWS!  Yay!  I was checking my immigration forum the day before yesterday and something signficant was posted.  The U.S. Embassy website for El Salvador updates their site for which month or months they are currently processing visa waivers.  The date posted on the website has been at April 2010 for a while now.  BUT it is now changed to OCTOBER 2010!!  This is huge for us because our waiver was submitted in October 2010.

Now this doesn't mean we are going to be getting approved in the next week or anything, but it's a big step.  Our case was submitted at the end of October so we probably have to wait a while.  I was told on visit to the Embassy in May that October was their biggest month for waiver submission so they will be working on October for a while.  Even if that is the case, at least they are working on October.

I now have to get all my additional evidence sent over to El Salvador ASAP.  I have decided to put it together and send it myself as to speed along the process rather than involving my attorney.  I will send her copies as well so she knows what I have done.  I am just waiting on one thing to come in the mail so I can use it as evidence.  I plan on faxing and emailing the documents and then I will call to confirm they received them and also can check on our case at that time.

This is all so exciting.  Eduardo could be home sooner than later.  I'm praying for that to be the case.  Please keep our family in your prayers for a speedy approval time :)

Extreme Hardships

One of the biggest reasons for returning to the States for a longer period of time right now is because of our lack of "extreme hardships" in our visa waiver application.  After I got the fortune of meeting with the woman who approves and denies the waivers in El Salvador, she informed me that by living in E.S. with my husband, it was showing that I have no hardships.

For those of you not familiar with what I am talking about, I will break it down for you:

"THE “EXTREME HARDSHIP” REQUIREMENT

I–601 waivers may be granted for a variety of reasons, and apply to different types of entry visas. The condition for obtaining such a waiver is if the visa applicant can demonstrate that failure to grant the visa will result in an “extreme hardship” to the United States citizen or Lawful Permanent Resident (LPR) spouse or parent of an I–601 waiver applicant.

There is no set formula for obtaining a waiver; instead, the granting or denying of a waiver is at the discretion of the Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security.

The “extreme hardship” requirements are very stringent. First, applicants must bear in mind that the “hardship” in question refers only to the United States citizen or LPR who is residing in the United States, and not to the applicant. The applicant for the waiver must demonstrate that the hardship to the United States resident (a spouse or parent of the applicant) will occur not only if the applicant is not admitted to the United States, but that it will also occur if that spouse or parent relocates to the country in which the I–601 applicant resides. (which I can now prove first-hand why we cannot live in E.S.)

Further, the applicant must support the claim of hardship by documentary proof, or by a sufficiently detailed explanation of the purported hardship with adequate evidence to support the explanation. (this is the hard part!)

WHAT QUALIFIES AS AN “EXTREME HARDSHIP”?

Naturally, a child or spouse of a United States resident who is barred from visiting their parent or spouse may find the separation emotionally trying or may find that it creates some financial difficulties. However, these difficulties, by themselves, do not suffice to meet the definition of an “extreme hardship” for purposes of an I–601 waiver regardless of how close the relationship is between the separated parties; neither are speculative or perceived harms enough. (how screwed up is that!??)

Instead, in order to overcome the disqualification imposed by the condition or conditions that led to inadmissibility, the I–601 waiver applicant must generally document some other factor which demonstrates hardship, such as an ongoing medical condition that requires special care or treatment; financial hardships created by caring for an elderly, infirm, or special needs parent or child; or other factors that suggest that the separation presents special and extraordinary difficulties that amount to an extreme hardship."

So as you can see from reading that, I sometimes feel as though I am screwed.  But no matter how much I feel we lack "extreme hardships", I have hope and faith and believe with all my heart we will be approved.  But, it doesn't come without a lot of work on my part.

Being back here in Indiana, I have three main goals:

1.  To re-write my hardship letter and gather as much evidence as possible as to why Eduardo should be allowed to come back here.

2.  To make money for our family in El Salvador to survive and for us to survive.

3.  To improve the physical and emotional health of Liliana and myself.

I started writing my new letter tonight and it feels good to even have started.  It's such a daunting task.  Now I get to be creative and find ways to prove that I am in desperate need to have my love back here.  I promise I won't let my family down!!

U.S. Citizen Mtg at the Embassy in ES

I went to a "Town Hall Meeting at the US Embassy in San Salvador on Wednesday afternoon.  I went with my good gringa friend Sarah who is living in El Salvador for the same reasons as us.  She had gotten an email about the meeting and let me know about it.  It was for any U.S. citizens residing in El Salvador.  We thought this might be a good opportunity and decided to check it out.  

There was a large room full of people, mostly elderly and other people there working for various organizations. We seemed to be the only ones in our situation present. The talk lasted about an hour and a half. They went through each head of the departments who got up and spoke about what they do, how they contribute to ES and so forth. 

The last person to speak was the representative for DHS, The Department for Homeland Security. She said she works alongside Paul Mitchell. She basically is "the woman" who decides the fates of all of our lives. She went on to tell the group how last year they processed 15,000 immigrant cases. Not approved, but processed. She also stated how the wait time is currently at 12 months, which to that I gave a "look" to Sarah because we all know that's not the truth. That's about all she said about it during her little introduction, but we got to meet face-to-face with her after the meeting!

Sarah and I had a one-on-one with the head of the immigration cases! We each spoke about our individuals cases and asked questions. There was so much to ask and so much going through my mind. I asked if our case would go more quickly since we already went through 6 months of AP, Administrative Processing,  for hubby's tattoo. She said "no", but the cases are put in order by the date you pay the waiver fee. This was big news. Not for us because they wouldn't let us pay until after the AP was over and we turned the waiver in, but that's a different story than what everyone on Immigrate2US hears. What I've heard there is that it's the date in which DHS receives the waiver and she said that's not the case. When they receive it back at the embassy they put it in order by the pay date. Interesting!  Again, for us that's only a difference of 1 week, but I guess even a week is better than nothing.

We also discussed the wait time since she was adament about it being only 12 months. She said the reason the date they are working on on the Embassy website is for October 2009 is because they had over 200 cases for that month alone. Out of those cases, they have processed all but 27 cases and those that they haven't processed from October yet are "more complicated". She said they cannot change the date on the website until they have completed the rest of those 27 left. That's why the website seems to stay the same all the time. She said they have moved on to other months and that she herself has been processing cases from June 2010! This news is really good to hear. At least they truly are moving ahead.  But she said it herself. It just depends how "complicated" the case it. So yes, they get processed in order, but if there's a "complication" it could set you back months I guess.

The next thing we both asked affects us a lot. We asked if living in El Salvador while we are waiting will have a negative effect on our cases and she answered a definite "yes". I guess I already knew this, but it was hard to hear. She said if you are living in El Salvador then what is your hardship? You're already proving you can do it. And danger in ES and issues like that, they don't even take into consideration! I told the gangs coming to our house and being afraid for our safety and her response was "that happens to all Salvdorans every day." I wanted to scream at that response. It got me feeling very depressed. 

I've already felt we don't have any real major hardships and now I feel we have even less. I guess the fact that we go weeks barely being able to eat and my daughter and I are sick all the time are "normal" things to experience and that doesn't mean we need to go back to the States! Uggh!!!  The definition of "extreme hardships" is such a fine line and a really shitty one!

She was a nice lady, but she definitely told it like it is. She didn't sugar coat anything. She did take down Sarah's information since it's been a year since they turned their waiver in and said she would look into it, but didn't take mine since it hasn't been a year yet. 

I'm really glad we went, but I've been feeling really down again.  I had some renewed hope for a while and it seems to have gotten thrown out the window again.  I'm constantly racking my brain trying to figure out what hardships I can prove and how.  I've even thought about having people write personal testimonies about their experience of me since we've been in El Salvador to show that I simply cannot live here forever.  I'm going to send an email off to our attorney and get her opinion and then go from there.  I have medical things that I could use, but we don't have the money to even go to see doctors to get the letters we need.  The system definitely knows how to put you between a rock and a hard place!  

Gang Threats

Tuesday Night:

This has been my #1 concern about living in El Salvador.  It's no secret that gangs in El Salvador are growing by the day and the violence continues at an alarming rate.  Until now we haven't had a problem since we've lived here and I've always felt blessed by this.  We have always been quite cautious about things, not overly exposing ourselves.  Well maybe we have gotten too comfortable.

This morning a guy came to our tienda early in the morning asking to speak to Eduardo.  He was gone for the day and my MIL told him that.  I don't have all the details, but basically he said he needs to speak with Eduardo and he will be back.  He said we need to pay him $2000.  She said we don't have that kind of money and he said he has seen our car parked outside and we can sell it and give him the money.

Maybe this is why it's almost 3am and I'm still awake.  I can't stop thinking.  This happened once before to my MIL the winter before we moved here.  Long story short, she called the police finally and after a while they found out the men were actually doing everything from Guatemala and they supposedly caught them.  I used this information in our I-601 Waiver Packet, but we couldn't get evidence from the police because there wasn't an "official report" filed.  Such a crock!  And without evidence my word doesn't mean much to the Department of Homeland Security and that means even with threats to our lives, there no real reason my family should move to the US or why we can't live in El Salvador.  The politics of our immigration system is infuriating.

So where does that leave us now?  I'm not sure.  We will have to wait it out and see what happens over the next few days.  It's just so frustrating because we hardly ever leave the house as it is.  I go to the mercado maybe once every 10 days or so and just to the grocery store every few days.  Poor Liliana begs to go out of the house and on walks and screams because I won't take her.  But this is why.  It's just not safe.  That's the reality.  The reality is people are watching us ALL the time.  Our car is kinda flashy for El Salvador standards and I'm obviously very white skinned.  So we stick out like a sore thumb.  Eduardo thinks we've gotten too comfortable, but I think we've just gotten too stir crazy.  Thank God I can blog!!

Flying Internationally with a Toddler

I have now done the flight back and forth from Indy to El Salvador 4 times.  The first was when she was just 5 months old and the others have been in the past year.  I have to admit that flying with a baby/toddler is something I do not look forward to.  I guess the motto "expect the worst, hope for the best" is a great way to describe how I feel about the upcoming trip in less than a week.

When Liliana was still a baby, I flew with her and my mom to El Salvador for a vacation to see Eduardo's family.  I didn't expect the trip to be too bad and it was WAY worse than I expected.  Liliana screamed and cried the WHOLE way there and back.  She couldn't sleep and her ears bothered her.  It was exhausting to say the least.

The flight from Indy to San Salvador isn't quite as bad as the trip back.  It's about a 12 hour day of traveling.  Delta has one flight that always leaves and arrives at the same time.  It takes about 2 hours to get to the airport from our house, then you have to be an hour and a half early to the airport and wait and go through all the annoying checkpoints where they search everything twice.  After that we wait to board the plane, which we get to do early because I'm "traveling with a young child and need additional time."  So we get settled and then again we wait for everyone else to board and then there's usually some delay that keeps us from departing on time, god forbid.  Once in the air it's a game of Liliana falling asleep, waking up, keeping her entertained, taking her to the bathroom and calming her down when she is crying from discomfort, especially on the way down.

The flight from San Salvador to Atlanta is about 3 hours.  Once we are in Atlanta, we have to go through Customs.  We get off the plane and head down to pick up all our bags.  There are carts waiting and you have to take all your suitcases off the conveyer belt by yourself.  Doing this with a baby is near impossible alone, but with a toddler is slightly easier.  Sometimes you will get a nice gentleman eager to help in the struggle.  Once you have all your bags you have to try and stear the cart full of 8 bags and hold the baby/toddler at the same time.  Not an easy task either!  You get in line for customs. They look at you, your customs form and your bags and tell you to pass or you get pulled over.  Luckily for me, we've always been told to move on.  Then you maneuver your cart to the area for unloading.  Some big guy usually unloads them and you are sent on your way.  Then we wait in line for the x-ray machines and have to undress, take off shoes, all that fun stuff.  Then we have to get to the next line to wait for our turn with an Immigration official.  We show them our passports and the customs form we filled out on the plane.  Sometimes they ask questions and sometimes they don't.  I've gotten asked things like "what does your husband do?", "where do you work?", "How long were you gone?", that sort of thing.  An any case, we answer the questions and move on.  We then have to make a made dash to the opposite side of the HUGE Atlanta International Airport and pray we make it on time to the flight.  We barely do and board again.  We get situated and the game of keeping Liliana entertained, fed and sleeping continues.  She's been a trooper!  We take our 2 hour flight to Indianapolis from Atlanta and arrive about 10:30pm.  It's been a long day.  I barely can walk to the exit of the airport at this point.  My arms are sore from carrying a toddler and 3-4 carry-on bags.  We greet whoever is waiting for us and proceed to get our luggage.  We walk out to the carry and lay back for the 30-minute drive to the house.

It may be more expensive now to have to pay for a seat for Liliana since she turned 2 in December, but it's worth it!  Even though she still sits in my lap most of the ride, we at least have the extra room to eat, play and sleep when we want to.  And it's more privacy for nursing!  I'm hoping for the best on Sunday and will be thinking about some special surprises and treats I can take for Liliana for those "intense" moments.  I will let you all know how it goes.  Wish us luck!!

For more on traveling to El Salvador from the States and those visa and passport requirements, check out my ES Visa Requirements.

Stand By Your Man

I was having a phone conversation a couple days ago that got me thinking.  In the convo we were talking about my next trip back to Indianapolis and how long Liliana and I would stay.  We travel back to Indy from El Salvador every 3 months.  I only get a 90 day visa each time I enter the country which I could extend, but the main reason I go is to make money to bring back to our virtually economy-less country.  The trips have been hard and I prefer to go for the minimum amount of time necessary.  The main reason is mostly about Eduardo.  I know Liliana is good at adjusting to new situations easily, but the international travelling takes a toll and after about 2 weeks, she is good and ready to be back home, which is now El Salvador.  

From the beginning of our Immigration journey, we knew Eduardo would eventually have to leave the U.S. and return to El Salvador to apply for residency from his home country.  We were nervous about that idea, but we were in the beginning stages of applying.  When the time got closer, the decision was fairly easy.  It was scary, but easy to make.  We both completely agreed that the best choice for our family was to stay TOGETHER no matter what!  I had read so many stories about other families being literally torn apart by immigration and I was determined not to let that happen to our family.  Eduardo's other 2 kids had grown up never knowing their papa and I was certainly not going to let that happen to Liliana.  Eduardo and her have always had a good strong bond and I wanted to see that continue to build.  It was hard saying goodbye to everything I have ever known and coming to a country I hardly knew, but I was willing to do whatever it took to keep us together.  That was what we are trying to do in the long run anyway, so why not stay together through it all?  

I understand this situation is not possible for everyone.  We are lucky Liliana was still a baby and not in school and I have a flexible at-home job.  Staying in the States trying to work full-time living on my own with a toddler just wasn't an option.  I saw no way to make that work without compromising my values as a mother.  And to this day I still won't compromise in certain aspects of our life.  

I'm not saying Eduardo and I have been the perfect happy couple in ES either.  Far from it actually.  This journey has tested our relationship far beyond anyone's comfort zone.  But we continue to rise about it and keep our heads up.  We know we can get through this and come out on top.  I know that if our relationship can sustain these couple of years, we will last a lifetime.  

Back to the phone conversation!  I was saying how it would be nice if I did have a place in the States I could go to for a couple months with a car to work.  We have been struggling financially and I am willing to do whatever is necessary to put food on the table for my family.  From the other end of the phone I got this reply:  "You wouldn't do that even if you had a car and apartment here because you just aren't willing to be apart from Eduardo."  I was taken by surprise by this comment.  Am I meant to feel guilty that I don't want to be separated from my husband?  Am I supposed to feel guilty that I want my daughter to grow up with her father through these vital early developmental stages?  I just haven't been able to get that comment out of my mind.  Yes, I will do whatever I have to, but I feel I have already given everything to keep us together.  What more can I possibly give?  And why should I feel bad about it?  I think the fact that we want to be together is a good thing!

Yesterday we went for a visit to one of our aunt's houses.  They had been in town and we gave them a ride back out to el monte.  I commented to Eduardo that Tia Minga and her husband Don Nacho are always together.  They go everywhere together all the time.  They have 8 children, have lost 3 and have endured so much in their lives, yet they have stuck together in a way I don't know if I have ever seen before.  He had even gone to the States one time and came back because he couldn't bare to be away from his wife.  Many saw that as a stupid move, but I see it as more romantic.  When I mentioned how supportive Don Nacho is of his wife, going everywhere with her and helping her in every way, Eduardo said they have always been like this their whole lives.  He said "it's because they love each other so much."  That really hit home and I respect them as a couple so much and aspire to be a couple like them even as we get older.  No matter what happens in our lives, I know I will always stand by my man.

Online Friends

An online friend of mine got their APPROVAL of her husband's visa from Guatemala yesterday.  I just found out this morning.  I couldn't be more happy for them.  Her son has been staying in Guate with her husband while they wait and now they can all be reunited soon!  We also have had 2 APPROVALS from El Salvador on the Forum within the last week, so I would say it's a good time for approvals.  It's such a relief to hear about other friends getting approved.  When I used to hear of approvals, I would usually just feel jealous, but since I have gotten to know people better and formed friends through my online forum www.immigrate2us.net, I feel a huge relief when I hear about their approvals.  I am so grateful for this forum and for Facebook, for which I would be a wreck without.  Thank God for the invention of computers and internet!

We will be coming up on a year in El Salvador in April.  Our journey still seems like it's going to be a while.   I have to admit I am slightly jealous of the faster processing times of other countries.  It just doesn't seem fair that because my husband is from ES, we have to wait extra long, TWICE as long!  But we are here and one thing I've learned is that complaining and dwelling on it doesn't get me anywhere.  So I will be happy for my friends and continue on.  Hopefully a year from now, we will be getting our approval and will be celebrating our victory!  Until then we will carry on figuring out how the hell we are going to make it through the next year.  I admit I am anxious for a change, even if that change is here.  We need a sign that we are moving ahead in our lives, as we seem to only be getting bad signs all the time.  Will we ever catch a break??

My New Blog!

After days and days of sitting and staring at the computer, figuring out all the little tweaks of creating a blog, I am finally writing my first post.  Yay for me!  While I have a LONG way to go with all the tweaks and lots more info to add to the pages, it is now atleast viewable.

I started a blog in February 2010 titled To El Salvador and Back to chronicle our journey through the immigration process.  It was mostly for friends and family that wanted to know where we were at in the process and in location.  I wrote about our  9 day drive from Indiana to El Salvador and what it has been like living in another country, but mostly just my personal feelings about it all.  Feel free to check it out!

In this blog I want to branch out and get more specific.  I want to share about topics I feel passionately about and about cultural differences between the USA and El Salvador.  I will share experiences, feelings, pictures and sometimes even recipes.  I hope you will enjoy my blog and that you will keep coming around!  Don't forget to "Follow" me through our life in El Salvador and our journeys to and from the States.  Upcoming topics include:  Raising a Bilingual baby, Potty Learning in ES, Breastfeeding and the Cultural Differences, Hammocks for Sleeping, Life Expectations, Visa Requirements and Much More...