I was in Indianapolis from July 25th to August 30th. Liliana and I had a much needed break from El Salvador for nearly 5 weeks. Unfortunately our time in the States wasn't quite how I had envisioned it to be. But there were also things that were nice surprises, which seemed to equal it all out.
My first order of business when we arrived was to sell all of my Central American Imports that I had been collecting over the months in ES. I had a couple of Open Houses and ended up doing a Farmer's Market as well. It started out somewhat slow and I was feeling down about it, but then things picked up and I come out on top with it all. I am now excited about my new venture and am looking forward to the treasures I find during this stint in El Salvador.
The second order of business was to make Cultured Veggies. This would help fund our plane tickets home. I busted my butt for 4 days while my mom and stepdad were in Chicago. It was a struggle while trying to entertain Liliana at the same time, but we did it and made 7 batches of veggies in those days. I was very proud of myself for that accomplishment. I then ended up doing 2 more batches later in the trip. My mom agreed pay me in full for all the veggies which was a HUGE blessing that I was not expecting! Thanks Mom!!
The third project I ended up taking on was to clear out our 10x10 storage unit we have been paying for to keep all our things while in ES. Well it became very clear that we couldn't keep paying the $75/month for the unit and we had to find another way to store our things. The whole experience was extremely emotional for me. My stepdad hauled van loads of boxes back and forth to the house and their living room became my storage shed for a week and a half. I went through box by box sorting and rearranging all our precious items. I was able to par down a lot and get rid of a lot of clothes and household items. It quickly became apparent I wouldn't be able to keep much though and that was very saddening. Even harder was having to tell Eduardo we couldn't keep all the things he had worked so hard for to buy for our little family. He didn't take it well. Over time though different friends stepped up to help me out! Thank you to Mandie, Sara, Mario, Grandma Judy, Dad and Mom for offering to store different items for us!! It is greatly appreciated more than you know. I also ended up having a Garage Sale too in the end. I was able to make some money and that helped too. My dear Grandma Judy came down from Michigan to help me prepare for that and that was such a sweet surprise. We had a great time talking and she enjoyed her time with Liliana.
My brother moved back from Oregon while we were home. He came to visit us the week before we left and stayed for a couple days. It was really neat to see how quickly Liliana warmed up to him and was playing and letting him carry her around with ease after just a couple hours! I know he loved it. I'm glad we had that time.
Last but not least, Liliana and I went with my mom to Chicago for a day trip. It was a super long day, but were able to visit with a doctor that put us on a regimen to help our allergies and help with several other issues she and I are having. While in Chicago, I got to meet with a fellow I2US member named Amy. She has a son the same age as Liliana and it was really nice to chat over dinner and meet someone else in a similar situation as we are. Nice to meet you Amy!!
Being away from Eduardo was particularly hard for Liliana. After the first week she seemed to realize we were not leaving and asked for "papa" constantly. Every time the phone would ring, she would try to answer saying "papa". It was hard at times, but very sweet. There were days (many days) when she had trouble sleeping. The only way she would go to sleep is if we had Eduardo on speaker phone and he and I would just chat and she would fall asleep next to me. The nights he wouldn't answer were frustrating though! It was a good break for all of us though and I think absence does make the heart grow fonder :)
Our trip had its highs and lows, but all in all it was a good experience. I didn't think I would make it through at times, but as always I pushed my way through. I think Liliana was put in my life to get me through the times that would otherwise seem hopeless and impossible. She gets me up in the morning and pushes me through the day and I am thankful for that.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Reverse Culture Shock
My mom came down to ES on July 8th and was there until the 25th. We went to a beach house for a week and various other places. All in all it was a good time, but not without it's challenges, which seems to be our life since moving to ES.
On the 25th Liliana and I flew back to Indianapolis with my mom. It was a surprisingly good trip. Liliana didn't even fuss at all. She slept most of the time and played and ate when she wasn't. She sat on my lap and we were lucky to have mom next to us.
The first week here was incredibly difficult. It was like reverse culture shock, which I wasn't expecting to experience so intensely. All of a sudden all the things that bugged me about living in El Salvador, I had a new appreciation for. While there I couldn't stand living with so many people all the time, but then coming back and spending most of the first 2 weeks alone, I realized how valuable having family around is. There are always people there wanting to help with anything from taking care of Liliana to cleaning dishes to running to the mercado (market) for you. I took so much of that for granted while being there. I am deeply grateful for this experience so I can have a different perspective during my next trip back.
I also have been struggling with merging the two cultures. I so wish that I could take the best of both worlds and make one perfect world! It's been so difficult to like and dislike both countries at the same time. Sometimes I am not sure where I belong.
One thing that has become very clear is that Liliana and I do belong with Eduardo no matter what. It's been good for our relationship to be apart, but it's also been hard. We both have our ups and downs and it's not always easy to be available for each other via Skype or telephone. But we make do. Liliana asks for "papa" every morning and night and it breaks my heart. She misses him more as the days go on. I will be able to buy or tickets tomorrow for our trip back in two weeks. Although there are things I am not looking forward to about our life in El Salvador, I am looking forward to being a family again. Home really is where the heart is and my heart is in El Salvador right now!
On the 25th Liliana and I flew back to Indianapolis with my mom. It was a surprisingly good trip. Liliana didn't even fuss at all. She slept most of the time and played and ate when she wasn't. She sat on my lap and we were lucky to have mom next to us.
The first week here was incredibly difficult. It was like reverse culture shock, which I wasn't expecting to experience so intensely. All of a sudden all the things that bugged me about living in El Salvador, I had a new appreciation for. While there I couldn't stand living with so many people all the time, but then coming back and spending most of the first 2 weeks alone, I realized how valuable having family around is. There are always people there wanting to help with anything from taking care of Liliana to cleaning dishes to running to the mercado (market) for you. I took so much of that for granted while being there. I am deeply grateful for this experience so I can have a different perspective during my next trip back.
I also have been struggling with merging the two cultures. I so wish that I could take the best of both worlds and make one perfect world! It's been so difficult to like and dislike both countries at the same time. Sometimes I am not sure where I belong.
One thing that has become very clear is that Liliana and I do belong with Eduardo no matter what. It's been good for our relationship to be apart, but it's also been hard. We both have our ups and downs and it's not always easy to be available for each other via Skype or telephone. But we make do. Liliana asks for "papa" every morning and night and it breaks my heart. She misses him more as the days go on. I will be able to buy or tickets tomorrow for our trip back in two weeks. Although there are things I am not looking forward to about our life in El Salvador, I am looking forward to being a family again. Home really is where the heart is and my heart is in El Salvador right now!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Mom's Visit and Going Home
My mom will be here tomorrow and is staying until the 25th! I am so excited. We are staying the first night with her in San Salvador in a hotel so we can all catch up without all the other people around. It will be nice. I think I am more excited for Liliana to see her. It will be very special. I can't wait to see their reactions when they reunite. We have a lot planned for her visit down here. She came with me last year so she is prepared for what El Salvador is like, which is a good thing. Hopefully it won't be as much of a culture shock that way. We have rented a beach house in a private beach club called Atami. We will get to spend a week there starting on Monday. We will take Ana, Cristina and Mama Chica with us and then the kids will come on the weekend. I can't wait to have some time to relax by the pool and beach and actually have someone to talk to! I think that's the best part.
When she goes on the 25th, Liliana and I will be flying back as well. It has been a hard decision, but we finally decided it will be the best thing for all of us. I really need a break from ES and flying back with her will be easier so she can help with Liliana. I will have a chance to make more cultured veggies to sell at Cleansing Waters and make some money. I have also been investing in a lot of goods to take back and try to start up an import business. I am planning a big open house and am really looking forward to that. My brother will be in Indy in August as well so the timing is great.
I'm super sad about the fact that we have to leave Eduardo here though. This weighs heavily on my heart. He is happy for us, but is really sad as well. I can't even imagine he and Liliana being apart at all. they have grown really close since being here and her having her papa with her all the time. It's very sweet. It makes me cry just to think about them not seeing each other, but I just have to focus on how good it will be for her to be back in our own environment. I only booked a one-way ticket home and will purchase another round-trip ticket once I am there. I'm not exactly sure what date we will come back, but plan on going for 4-6 weeks. We'll see what happens.
When she goes on the 25th, Liliana and I will be flying back as well. It has been a hard decision, but we finally decided it will be the best thing for all of us. I really need a break from ES and flying back with her will be easier so she can help with Liliana. I will have a chance to make more cultured veggies to sell at Cleansing Waters and make some money. I have also been investing in a lot of goods to take back and try to start up an import business. I am planning a big open house and am really looking forward to that. My brother will be in Indy in August as well so the timing is great.
I'm super sad about the fact that we have to leave Eduardo here though. This weighs heavily on my heart. He is happy for us, but is really sad as well. I can't even imagine he and Liliana being apart at all. they have grown really close since being here and her having her papa with her all the time. It's very sweet. It makes me cry just to think about them not seeing each other, but I just have to focus on how good it will be for her to be back in our own environment. I only booked a one-way ticket home and will purchase another round-trip ticket once I am there. I'm not exactly sure what date we will come back, but plan on going for 4-6 weeks. We'll see what happens.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Obstacles
I copied the last 4 entries off of my Immigration Forum. It gives the overall idea of how our appointments with the doctors and embassy have gone over the last two weeks. All in all, it has been very frustrating to say the least. El Salvador in general has been very frustrating. The last 2 days are the first days we have had in weeks to just relax somewhat. Eduardo did go into San Salvador today to hopefully get his driver´s license finally. He took the bus this time. I just couldn´t bear to go and stand in the heat with a cranky baby waiting and waiting. That seems to be what we have been doing a lot lately. Things continue to be very hard here and we just can´t seem to catch a break. Every day I wake up and think something good has to happen today and again we get some kind of bad news. Eduardo is very depressed. Neither of us are ourselves at all. We have been fighting less lately and are feeling a little closer to each other, but it´s still not how we want our relationship to be. There has been a lot of family drama here as well in the past month and it all just adds up to be one big mess! Importing our car unexpectedly took most of our savings and we are down to our last few hundred dollars. This really freaks us out. My mom is coming for a visit next week and will be here for 17 days. Yay! But after that, Eduardo will look for a job. It will most likely be in San Salvador and he will have to take the bus 2 hours each way every day. My heart breaks for him. I know how it´s all killing him to not be working and providing for his family. He has worked so hard for everything he has in the States and it seems as though day by day it is slowly all getting ripped away from him. I know he will do anything he has to for us, but I just hate to see him like this. His family doesn´t help either. It seems like everyone just wants to give him a hard time for the money depletion and not take any responsibility for their part in it and come up with any solution for it. Eduardo and I have been talking a lot and feel it is best for Liliana and I to take a trip to the States ASAP. I was going to wait until October after my visa extension expires, but I think we need a break. Liliana and I need the comforts of home to perk us back up. My mom has agreed to let us stay with them again. We will just go for a month. Unfortunately tickets have gone back up from $550 to $815 now. And Liliana is too big to be sitting on my lap at this point, unless I can drug her to sleep the whole time! ha ha. I will be able to make more cultured veggies to sell at Cleansing Waters which will help financially. We also have invested some money into locally made bags, pillows and other cool things that I am going to take home and sell. I plan on getting a lot more while my mom is here and am excited to start this import business! I´m just sad to leave hubby here and most of all to break apart him and Liliana. She has gotten soooo attached to him since being here and having him around all the time. It´s such a precious relationship. I know it will just be a month apart, but could be so confusing for her. She just not old enough to understand yet. But it will be good for everyone, I keep telling myself that.
Tattoo Issues at 2nd Appt
Eduardo had his 2nd appt on June 28th. We ended up getting the I864 printed off as well as the taxes. They accepted everything as is. But there was one problem. They would not let Eduardo turn in the waiver or pay our remaining balance. They are making a big fuss about the tattoo he has on his arm. they took him into a room where he had to strip down again and they looked for other tattoos and markings. They asked him if he is in a gang, how many friends he has in gangs, which gangs are present in our town and other ridiculous questions he didnt have answers for. They also asked him where he got the tattoo, which was in the States. They wanted the address, but he didn´t have it, just the cross streets in Indy and they proceeded to google it right in front of him, looking for the store. They didn´t find it. They then took pictures of the tattoo and said they need to do further examination of it, looking at the lettering and coloring. This is not good especially since I know of 2 other gals whose husbands were denied in the last couple months because of tattoos. Gang problems are very prevalent in El Salvador right now and they are very skeptical about tattoos of any kind. They told Eduardo they will call him on a Wednesday to let him know what happens next. He asked if it would be this wednesday and they said no, they will call him some other wednesday. Who knows how long we will wait now!! The countdown hasn´t even started yet. I´m am very depressed by this news and don´t know what to do now. I´m thinking that Liliana and I will be returning to the States for a while.
Eduardo´s 1st Appt
Hubby got to the Embassy on June 21st at 6am. They don´t allow you to stand and wait on the Embassy sidewalks so he waited with some other people across the street. They don´t let you inside until 7am, so getting there really early doesn´t really help. He was one of the first ones in and got to see someone very quickly. He said the guy was actually pretty nice, but a lot of the others there were saying their reps were very mean. Guess he got lucky! They checked over all the docs and made a list of what was missing...it was a lot! So frustrating, especially when we are using a lawyer! He needed an updated police record from ES, which we got right away when we left. He also needs a more recent birth certificate with my name added, which is weird. But that is easy to get. The complicated thing is they need 2009 taxes and w2´s from my parents, which are my cosponsors. We have 2008, but not 2009. They just gave them to their accountant recently and it usually takes about a month to get done. My mom said she will call in the morning to see if we can get by Friday. The guy told Eduardo if we don´t have them by Monday, it´s okay but everything will be put on hold and will take even longer! Like it´s not long enough. Then they are saying they need my stepdad´s I864, which my lawyer should have provided and I have emailed her asking what the heck happened!! They have my mom´s info, but not his. They both own their own businesses and file jointly so I guess that complicates things. Lastly, the guy questioned hubby about both of us being married before. Then he saw how I helped my ex go through the process and asked hubby if that was true. Hubby said yes and the guy proceeded to write in red pen on a sticky note and put it in his file! That can´t possibly be good. Once again, the lawyer said that shouldn´t be an issue at all when I asked her in the past about that. I´m really starting to question this lawyer. What does she know about ES anyway! She usually deals with Mexico. I see how important it is to use a lawyer that has dealt specifically with your country.
I wish we never started this process, I´m so frustrated right now. I honestly don´t know how we will make it down here for so long. It´s been very hard to keep my head up lately. Things haven´t gotten any easier here for me. It almost gets more frustrating because things don´t get better. I´m just praying we can make it through...sorry to sound so negative!
I wish we never started this process, I´m so frustrated right now. I honestly don´t know how we will make it down here for so long. It´s been very hard to keep my head up lately. Things haven´t gotten any easier here for me. It almost gets more frustrating because things don´t get better. I´m just praying we can make it through...sorry to sound so negative!
Eduardo´s Psych Evaluation
Eduardo had his psych evaluation on June 18th. The appt lasted about 1 1/2 hours. He said he basically had to give his entire life history; when did his dad die, how was that for him, did he go to school, where has he lived, how did he go to the States. All that kind of stuff. He also asked a lot about me too I guess; have I been married before, do I have kids, how long was I married...those kinds of things. He said the doc was much nicer than the medical doc. He did all the talking. The doc barely said anything, just asked questions. I guess we will never really know how it went, but am glad to have it all over with. Afterwards we had to go drop the "sealed envelope" off at the medical doc's office so it can be forwarded to the Embassy. I'm getting super nervous. I just now finished my personal letter for the packet and emailed it to my lawyer to review. We are going to stay at the Holiday Inn in San Salvador a couple blocks from the Embassy on Sunday night so hubby can be there really early to get a number. His appt is at 7:30am Monday morning. Liliana and I will wait anxiously in our nice air conditioned hotel room. Maybe we'll go swimming, workout, have a bite to eat. haha. Yeah right, I'll be biting my nails the whole time!! Liliana has ripped a couple pages out of my packet when I wasn't looking lately so I am frantic to redo those pages and hole punch them and put it back together. If only my darn printer would cooperate! I'll let you guys know how it goes...
Eduardo´s Medical Exam
We dropped Eduardo off around 9 30am on June 17th. When we called to make the appt they said we didn´t need one and to show up around 7am. That didn´t happen, but we got there early enough. Expat and her hubby were kind enough to drive us and we dropped hubby off and went and ran errands. He called about two and a half hours later for us to pick him up. They only made him receive a couple vaccinations because he had a paper with a list of his previous ones. He had a really horrible experience there though. He was very upset about it on the way home. He said the doctor was just plain awful! He treated him very poorly and in his words as a piece of meat. Poor papito. The doctor gave him a long lecture about drinking and driving because of his prior DUI and very closely looked at his tatto. He took a $100 drug test, which everyone does I guess. All together the visit was around $300. The doctor then referred him to get a psych exam somewhere else and told us to go at 2 30pm. We got there at 1 45 and the receptionist was nice and told us the doc wouldn´t be in the rest of the day and we made an appt to go back tomorrow at 2 15pm. So we will drive all the way back to San Sal again tomorrow. The psych exam will be around $80. While hubby was waiting at the first doctor´s office I guess he had lots of time to talk to the receptionist. hmm. Anyway, she was telling him to make copies of everything we take with us to the embassy because they are horrible about losing documents. I think I will go ahead and make a copy of our waiver packet. I am glad we went today instead of our original plan of Friday since he has to do the psych. Hopefully it goes okay for him. He is being sent for alcohol and tattoo reasons. Luckily our lawyer prepped us for that!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Daniela´s Birthday
On Sunday Eduardo had the chance to celebrate his daughter Daniela´s birthday with her for the first time. It was very special for both of them, though neither one admitted it verbally. Daniela turned 8 years old. We went to Entre Rios for part of the day. It´s a water park about 15 minutes from our house. The water parks here are very different than in the States. There a usually a variety of different pools to swim in, some with slides, some without. At this particular place there are 2 areas with shallow water for the little ones with lots of slides and playthings. The main difference here is that the pools at the parks are typically fresh water. They do not have insane amounts of chlorine added to them. I like this for the most part because I don´t like chlorine and I don´t want Liliana being exposed to it at such a young age. But the flip side is you never know where the other people swimming have come from and how dirty they are. All in all, the parks are pretty and it´s a nice break from the heat. We took Mama Chica with us. She seemed to enjoy herself, but it was also sad. Papa Ticho knew we were going there for Daniela´s birthday and had been commenting to Eduardo about it before he passed. He was excited to see the animals they have there, particularly the monkeys. I remembered this as we pulled up to the entrance and found it interesting that not one person even mentioned going to see the animals. It was a bittersweet day. Liliana was very cautious of the water at first as she always is. She loosened up more through the day and was totally submersed and loving it by the time we were ready to leave. It was so cute to see her having so much fun. I´m glad I got to experience Daniela´s birthday with her for the 2nd year in a row!
Friday, June 4, 2010
A Salvadoran Funeral
This is something I never would have wished I would experience during my time in El Salvador. Unfortunately last Monday, May 31st, Eduardo lost his dear Grandpa. His name was Patricio Gabrielle Tepas, aka Papa Ticho and he was 93 years old.
I had the pleasure of getting to spend time with Papa Ticho on two separate occassions. The first was last year on my visit to ES with my mom and Liliana. We took grandma and grandpa with us to the beach and watching Papa Ticho in the water was like watching one of the kids. It was the highlight of my trip. Coming back this year, I got to have that experience again. We decided to go to the beach one day and asked the grandparents if they wanted to come with us. Grandma, aka Mama Chica, got so excited she had to sit down because she got dizzy! lol. We took them and they both got to experience the ocean and water again, which is a rare occasion for them.
Papa Ticho and Mama Chica are Eduardo's grandparents from his dad's side. Eduardo's father died when he was nine years old. His mom was so close to his dad's family that she continues to live with and around them to this day. The grandparents live in a room that connects my MIL's house to Eduardo's uncle's house next door. Although that is their son next door, my MIL has always been the one to look after them. That is the kind hearted soul that she is. She feeds them 3 meals a day and makes sure they have everything they need.
Last Monday my MIL, Ana, decided to take Liliana out for a walk because she was getting fussy. She walked out the door and headed up the street. What happened next continues to haunt me. Ana started screaming for Maynor. Maynor went running and I immediately got up from the computer. I knew something wasn't right. I started out the door and up the street as well. She then started screaming for Eduardo. I got closer and Liliana was standing on the ground by herself looking at the scene. I immediately picked her up and saw blood on the ground. Papa Ticho looked as though he had fallen and hit his head. There was blood on his head and Ana and now Eduardo were trying to sit him up. All the moments after are so clear, but everything happened so fast that it's almost a blur. There were people gathering around. I saw Eduardo and a neighbor doing CPR and trying to get Papa Ticho to regain consciousness. Ana was crying hysterically and Daniela had come to see what was going on. Maynor had gone back to the house and I later realized had been praying the whole time. Papa Ticho came to for a minute and a truck pulled up. Eduardo and I ran to the house to get money and anything he would need for the hospital. We ran back and he had already been lifted onto the truck to go to the local clinic. They left and we waited.
Daniela and I walked back into the house and she immediately sat down next to Maynor on the floor and they both proceeded to pray amongst the sobbing tears. I headed outside and Ana said she wanted to go to the clinic. I grabbed my purse and keys and headed out. Aunt Rosita came from across the street to stay with the kids. Ana and I left with Liliana. We got halfway to the clinic and saw the truck headed back. Eduardo motioned to us to go back and we instantly knew it wasn't good.
We got back to the house and the truck was parked out front. Things are done very differently here when someone dies. Papa Ticho was brought back from the clinic in the truck and there he was, lying like he was asleep. It was almost too much for me to handle. I had never seen anyone die before. I couldn't believe what was happening. I guess he didn't even make it to the clinic. The doctor examined him and said there was nothing that could be done. Apparantly he had a heart attack and that caused him to fall and hit his head and go unconscious.
As we all stood there not believing what was happening, all I could think about was Mama Chica. Why wasn't anyone telling her?! They brought her to the front of the house from the back and showed her her husband. It was so awful. She didn't even react at first, looking as if she thought he was sleeping. Then she realized what had happened and Eduardo explained to her that he was gone.
Within minutes it seemed like a casket was brought to the house and his Uncle's next door was being cleared out to make way for the casket and ceremony. He was put into the casket and put in the house. Ana was frantically calling her family and everyone was showing up or on their way. When someone dies here, they don't preserve the body in any way so it all happens very quickly.
Candles were lit everywhere and flowers were being brought. Coffee and bread were being made and bought and being served to every guest. This continued through the night. On the first night everyone stays up the entire night praying and talking and carrying on. I finally had to put Liliana to bed and myself. I didn't sleep well that night. Eduardo came to bed around 4am and didn't get much sleep either.
The next day preparations were being made for the funeral. I tried to call my mom but she was in Oregan in the mountains with my brother completely unreachable. Eduardo was doing everything everywhere and although there were a thousand people all around, I felt completely and utterly alone. It was one of the worst experiences of my life.
The mass at the Church was scheduled for 3pm. At 2:30 everyone would walk alongside the casket up to the church from the house. Luckily before this, I was able to talk to my mom. I told her the story and cried and cried and was able to let it all out. Up until then I hadn't been able to talk to anybody. It was a huge relief. We then set out for the church. I started to walk for a little bit with Liliana while Eduardo took some of the elderly people in the car. Liliana got scared and fussy, so we jumped in the car with them. Thank goodness, it was a long walk! Eduardo thoroughly enjoyed the church service, but I had to excuse myself and go outside with Liliana and play because she wouldn't sit still. After the service everyone walked to the cemetary where Papa Ticho was buried. He was buried alongside Eduardo's dad and his dad and mom I believe. Watching the men all lift him down into the grave was really hard. It was then I really knew I would never see him again. It must have been hard for Ana as well being at the cemetary. Also beside them were the two babies she had lost at two different times in her life. She is such a strong woman to have witnessed so much death and be so kindhearted. I have a lot of respect for her.
Because they are Catholic, they continue to pray for a long time. A vigil is held every day for 9 days in the afternoon next door at Uncle's house. People come and we make coffee and bread is served. On the forth day, today, something more special is given to the people that have been coming to pray. On the ninth day, everyone gathers again and stays up all night praying and have a celebration. Then again on day 40 there is another celebration. I think it's actually a very nice way to honor those that have passed.
Mama Chica is in my thoughts and heart all the time. I've never really known someone to die, let alone live with the surving one. It's been very emotional watching her go through the grieving process. We all try to stay strong for her. Sometimes I can't help it and come to my room and cry. She was really good the first 2 days, but on the 3rd said that the loneliness and emptiness had set in. That broke my heart. Ana and the kids moved their beds into a room with Mama Chica because she doesn't want to be alone. Imagine being married to someone for over 70 years and then waking up one day and they are gone?! Heartbreaking. We later found out that the grandparents had been having their afternoon snack of hot milk and bananas and grandma had sent grandpa outside to watch for a parade type thing that was supposed to be coming. He was going to go back in and get her when it got close. She never saw him again.
I know this is long, but they are memories I want to keep and remember. I especially want to remember my times with Papa Ticho and how he is the cutest old guy I have ever met. He had the cutest voice that I never could understand and he would talk anyway even though I don't speak Spanish. He didn't care. And his laugh...let me tell you. His laugh was the best. It was the cutest little giggle. I remember telling Eduardo on several occassions that I just need to see Papa Ticho every day and it will make my stay here so much better. I wish Eduardo would have told him.
I had the pleasure of getting to spend time with Papa Ticho on two separate occassions. The first was last year on my visit to ES with my mom and Liliana. We took grandma and grandpa with us to the beach and watching Papa Ticho in the water was like watching one of the kids. It was the highlight of my trip. Coming back this year, I got to have that experience again. We decided to go to the beach one day and asked the grandparents if they wanted to come with us. Grandma, aka Mama Chica, got so excited she had to sit down because she got dizzy! lol. We took them and they both got to experience the ocean and water again, which is a rare occasion for them.
Papa Ticho and Mama Chica are Eduardo's grandparents from his dad's side. Eduardo's father died when he was nine years old. His mom was so close to his dad's family that she continues to live with and around them to this day. The grandparents live in a room that connects my MIL's house to Eduardo's uncle's house next door. Although that is their son next door, my MIL has always been the one to look after them. That is the kind hearted soul that she is. She feeds them 3 meals a day and makes sure they have everything they need.
Last Monday my MIL, Ana, decided to take Liliana out for a walk because she was getting fussy. She walked out the door and headed up the street. What happened next continues to haunt me. Ana started screaming for Maynor. Maynor went running and I immediately got up from the computer. I knew something wasn't right. I started out the door and up the street as well. She then started screaming for Eduardo. I got closer and Liliana was standing on the ground by herself looking at the scene. I immediately picked her up and saw blood on the ground. Papa Ticho looked as though he had fallen and hit his head. There was blood on his head and Ana and now Eduardo were trying to sit him up. All the moments after are so clear, but everything happened so fast that it's almost a blur. There were people gathering around. I saw Eduardo and a neighbor doing CPR and trying to get Papa Ticho to regain consciousness. Ana was crying hysterically and Daniela had come to see what was going on. Maynor had gone back to the house and I later realized had been praying the whole time. Papa Ticho came to for a minute and a truck pulled up. Eduardo and I ran to the house to get money and anything he would need for the hospital. We ran back and he had already been lifted onto the truck to go to the local clinic. They left and we waited.
Daniela and I walked back into the house and she immediately sat down next to Maynor on the floor and they both proceeded to pray amongst the sobbing tears. I headed outside and Ana said she wanted to go to the clinic. I grabbed my purse and keys and headed out. Aunt Rosita came from across the street to stay with the kids. Ana and I left with Liliana. We got halfway to the clinic and saw the truck headed back. Eduardo motioned to us to go back and we instantly knew it wasn't good.
We got back to the house and the truck was parked out front. Things are done very differently here when someone dies. Papa Ticho was brought back from the clinic in the truck and there he was, lying like he was asleep. It was almost too much for me to handle. I had never seen anyone die before. I couldn't believe what was happening. I guess he didn't even make it to the clinic. The doctor examined him and said there was nothing that could be done. Apparantly he had a heart attack and that caused him to fall and hit his head and go unconscious.
As we all stood there not believing what was happening, all I could think about was Mama Chica. Why wasn't anyone telling her?! They brought her to the front of the house from the back and showed her her husband. It was so awful. She didn't even react at first, looking as if she thought he was sleeping. Then she realized what had happened and Eduardo explained to her that he was gone.
Within minutes it seemed like a casket was brought to the house and his Uncle's next door was being cleared out to make way for the casket and ceremony. He was put into the casket and put in the house. Ana was frantically calling her family and everyone was showing up or on their way. When someone dies here, they don't preserve the body in any way so it all happens very quickly.
Candles were lit everywhere and flowers were being brought. Coffee and bread were being made and bought and being served to every guest. This continued through the night. On the first night everyone stays up the entire night praying and talking and carrying on. I finally had to put Liliana to bed and myself. I didn't sleep well that night. Eduardo came to bed around 4am and didn't get much sleep either.
The next day preparations were being made for the funeral. I tried to call my mom but she was in Oregan in the mountains with my brother completely unreachable. Eduardo was doing everything everywhere and although there were a thousand people all around, I felt completely and utterly alone. It was one of the worst experiences of my life.
The mass at the Church was scheduled for 3pm. At 2:30 everyone would walk alongside the casket up to the church from the house. Luckily before this, I was able to talk to my mom. I told her the story and cried and cried and was able to let it all out. Up until then I hadn't been able to talk to anybody. It was a huge relief. We then set out for the church. I started to walk for a little bit with Liliana while Eduardo took some of the elderly people in the car. Liliana got scared and fussy, so we jumped in the car with them. Thank goodness, it was a long walk! Eduardo thoroughly enjoyed the church service, but I had to excuse myself and go outside with Liliana and play because she wouldn't sit still. After the service everyone walked to the cemetary where Papa Ticho was buried. He was buried alongside Eduardo's dad and his dad and mom I believe. Watching the men all lift him down into the grave was really hard. It was then I really knew I would never see him again. It must have been hard for Ana as well being at the cemetary. Also beside them were the two babies she had lost at two different times in her life. She is such a strong woman to have witnessed so much death and be so kindhearted. I have a lot of respect for her.
Because they are Catholic, they continue to pray for a long time. A vigil is held every day for 9 days in the afternoon next door at Uncle's house. People come and we make coffee and bread is served. On the forth day, today, something more special is given to the people that have been coming to pray. On the ninth day, everyone gathers again and stays up all night praying and have a celebration. Then again on day 40 there is another celebration. I think it's actually a very nice way to honor those that have passed.
Mama Chica is in my thoughts and heart all the time. I've never really known someone to die, let alone live with the surving one. It's been very emotional watching her go through the grieving process. We all try to stay strong for her. Sometimes I can't help it and come to my room and cry. She was really good the first 2 days, but on the 3rd said that the loneliness and emptiness had set in. That broke my heart. Ana and the kids moved their beds into a room with Mama Chica because she doesn't want to be alone. Imagine being married to someone for over 70 years and then waking up one day and they are gone?! Heartbreaking. We later found out that the grandparents had been having their afternoon snack of hot milk and bananas and grandma had sent grandpa outside to watch for a parade type thing that was supposed to be coming. He was going to go back in and get her when it got close. She never saw him again.
I know this is long, but they are memories I want to keep and remember. I especially want to remember my times with Papa Ticho and how he is the cutest old guy I have ever met. He had the cutest voice that I never could understand and he would talk anyway even though I don't speak Spanish. He didn't care. And his laugh...let me tell you. His laugh was the best. It was the cutest little giggle. I remember telling Eduardo on several occassions that I just need to see Papa Ticho every day and it will make my stay here so much better. I wish Eduardo would have told him.
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