My Role as a Stepmom

Spending time with the kids has been an adjustment for everyone. They seem to be loosening up with every visit we have with them and are bonding with Eduardo really well. I struggle at times with boundaries and mostly with communication. Funny thing is I can communicate easier and better with the kids than the adults. It´s more fun too! They seem to enjoy helping me and are eager to learn English as well.

Maynor is a 10 year old cuddly little boy. He is at the time in his life where is voice is changing and when he and Eduardo rough house or he is talking loud, his whiney voice drives me up the wall! Not so much his voice, but his squeel. Poor guy. He is a good looking kid, well they both are actually. I find it interesting how much he likes to cuddle with his papa. It didn´t take long for him to warm up at all. It was instant and their bond keeps getting stronger. It´s really sweet. Maynor just never seems to keep his hands off Eduardo though. I mean seriously, it´s starting me be a little strange for me. If I ever go up to Eduardo and hug him for even an instant, Maynor is right there and has to grab him and hug on him too. I am starting to see a little bit of jealousy forming there.

Daniela on the other hand is the little princess. She has actually taken a while to warm up to her papi and seemed to warm up to me first. She is particulary close with Eduardo´s mom. They are joined at the hip. The more she is warming up to us though, the more independent she is becoming. I can really see her desire for a mommy. It´s really sad and it makes me feel really sad that she hasn´t had that. Not having papi is one thing, but growing up without your mother, especially for a girl is another thing. I feel really good about the bond we are forming and see that relationship blossoming. I feel a maternal instinct with her, but also a strong friendship too.

Kids of this age in general, I have not spent a lot of time around. Eduardo either. It has been an adjustment for both of us. It´s hard for him to have his attention focused in so many directions and it´s hard for us as a couple to adjust to having other kids around that need our attention. I also think that little things that annoy us in other people´s kids don´t so much when they are your own.

The kids spend Monday through Friday morning at their mom´s parents house and our house friday afternoon through Monday morning. We were very close to having them com live with us this week, but after Eduardo consulted with a lawyer, it was decided it´s better for them to stay where they are for now. Legally Eduardo has the right to take them as the father and since the mother isn´t here, but if they fought us we don´t have a very good case right now. We feel it is best is several ways though, especially for our relationship. I´m sure it will all work itself out in time.

I´m not sure if I´ve written before that I have applied for both kids to come to the States as well. I sent the applications off in February. it is a different process for them since they have never been to the States before. It is not as complicated. I didn´t use a lawyer for them to save money, so I´m doing this part on my own and am hoping I don´t mess up. I hope to receive news on their cases soon. If they do get approved they will be able to come and visit. Eduardo wants them to stay in ES until they are 18 and then it will be their choice. They cannot get visitor visas though, so residency is the only way for them to be able to visit us every year.

Appt Date

I realized I haven´t written about our appt date at the embassy, the whole reason we are here! I received an email about a month ago now stating Eduardo´s 1st appt is on June 21st. I was actually pretty devasted hearing the news although I should´ve been happy. We thought our timing was pretty good with when Eduardo quit his job and us coming down here, but I guess we couldn´t have been more off. We ended up being here a couple months too early. I cried a lot at the time, but now realize there is not much we could have done differently. Everything we have done thus far has been with the best intentions and what we thought was the right thing. These things are just out of our control.

So Eduardo will first go to his medical exam on June 19th and then his first appt on June 21st. He then has a 2nd appt scheduled for June 28th. That will hopefully be the final appt. From there on out it is just a waiting game. The current wait times in El Salvador are ridiculously long. The rate the Embassy is processing waivers right now is nothing short of pathetic actually. We are probably looking at 12 to 16 months from the last appt date. Pretty scary. I try not to think about it too much yet because it just makes me sick. We were prepared for a long haul, but it seems to just get longer. I just pray we can make it through this time and that we get a speedy approval, nothing less than an approval! There is no other option!!

Update

I haven´t written in a while and I´m not quite sure why. It´s funny because I write blogs in my head, I just have to get them onto the computer! Speaking of computers, ours is getting a tune up right now so I am typing on the house computer with a spanish keyboard which makes things interesting. We are a little worried about getting our computer back since we haven´t heard from the lady fixing it since last night. Hopefully all is well and we will get it back shortly safe and sound.

So much has happened since my last post. We have traveled a lot and been on quite a few adventures. We visited the El Boqueron Volcano in San Salvador, went to see some Mayan Ruins and drove around beautiful Lake Coatapeque. We also spent a wonderful day at a beautiful beach club. Each of these places deserve their own post, but it didn´t work out that way. I promise I will be keeping up more now.

Eduardo and I have been visiting San Salvador a lot, the capital city. Each time we go I get to hang out with my friend Sarah as well so it´s great. Her and her husband are a great support system for getting through all this adjustment time and coping with living here. Things have still been difficult, but are getting a bit easier. Maybe not easier, but I seem to have gotten into my own groove of things and have some sort of a routine now. I have been cooking a lot and it´s been good to feel like I have something to contribute. Finding foods I want to cook is difficult, but I´m getting by. Sarah introduced us to PriceSmart in San Salvador, which is similar to Sam´s Club or Costco in the States. I prefer to buy the meat their especially. The other option for meat is the Mercado where everything is out in the open with flies all over and hot hot hot. This meat pretty much disgusts me to no end. I will have a whole blog on eating and buying food in ES at some point.

The rainy season has started and it´s been raining almost nonstop for days now. It´s cooled down which is nice, but it makes it hard to go anywhere. We have a tin roof too so when it rains, you can´t really hear anything in the house. It´s incredibly loud. No music, tv or hardly any talking is done. It´s pretty funny. Liliana gets really scared when it gets really loud and we feel bad for her.

Speaking of Liliana it is raining and she´s scared so I must go. Will write again soon.

The Ex's Family

I had an interesting experience I just have to share. Eduardo took a taxi last weekend to drop the kids off at their other Grandparents' house. His ex-wife/kids mother lives in San Francisco and the kids spend the weekdays with the other grandparents and every other weekend here with Eduardo's mom. Anywho, when he dropped the kids off the grandparents said they would love to meet Liliana and me! This wasn't exactly my idea of a good time and we all new it was more of a wanting to size me up and pass the info on to their daughter. Well it cost $25 for the taxi there and back, so we decided we would pick them up in the van and take them back. The thing is that Eduardo doesn't have a license here either (long story) and there are checkpoints all over so I have to drive everywhere, therefore I would drive to pick up the kids and meet the family. Yay.

I dressed as cute as I could without going overboard of course and we headed over. It's about a 45 minute trip. We pulled up and I got introduced to his ex's mother and father. The father was super nice and seemed like a nice guy. The mother acted nice, but if looks could kill I wouldn't be here to tell the story. It was very odd. She seemed so disgusted I was there despite inviting me personally. There were two other girls there who I found out after were the wives of the ex's brothers. One was very sweet and the other was very pretty, but the look on her face to me was downright scary! I couldn't follow the conversation, but it all seemed cordial. Apparently they were making us lunch, but Eduardo made up an excuse about us having friends visiting so we had to leave. We had already been there a while as the kids were late getting home from school. Plus, Ana (MIL) had warned me several times before we left not to eat any food they gave me. It was kind of a joke, but actually wasn't! Since we weren't staying for lunch they said they would love for me to go with them to church on Sunday. We graciously declined again. What do these people want from me?! The father shook my hand and said good-bye, but the mother didn't even say goodbye. So weird.

Hopefully Eduardo gets his license soon. It costs about $150 and is very complicated to get, but he's working on it. Until then I will have to just put up with the weird ex-wife's family.

My New Friends

So things finally came to a head with Eduardo and I last night. We got in a big fight, but the tension got released finally and things are back to normal today. Big sigh of relief! I woke up feeling good and even Liliana is being super cute and happy today. The weather has cooled down a lot with the rain. I hear that in a couple weeks it will start raining and not stop for a long time. Should be interesting.

I made 2 new friends today!! American gals that live in ES too. I have been online friends with them for a while. We are all part of an online immigration support group. They are down here going through the same process as we are. It's super cool there are others to relate to. Eduardo had to go into San Salvador, the big city, and do some paperwork so he dropped Liliana and I off on the way and we met up with these 2 gals, Sarah and Kristen. We all hung out for a little bit and it was really great to get to speak English and share stories and complain together. It was great therapy and just what I needed! Sarah lives about 45 minutes away and Kristen is more like 2 hours, but we plan on getting together a lot more now that we have met. Yay!!

Eduardo got a used washing machine while they were in San Salvador for $150 and that's exciting. We don't have to make Ana, MIL, wash all our laundry by hand anymore and I can use MY natural detergent. Good day all in all.

I hate El Salvador!

This is a harsh statemtent, I know. But it seems to be the only way to sum up how my first week in El Salvador is going. We got here Friday night and it is now only Wednesday. It feels as if weeks have gone by and it´s been mere days. It could be because we wake up around 6am with the roosters and go to bed around 8pm well after dark.

Saturday and Sunday were super overwhelming. Almost all I can remember now is that I cried A LOT those first 2 days. The 2 kids and Eduardo´s niece, Diana, were here all weekend and I´m not really used to be around older aged kids. Older than Liliana atleast. Eduardo was with them most of the time and talking with what seemed like hundreds of people that stopped by the house constantly. My MIL went everywhere with us because she knows the towns. It was just all too much, especially after our 9 day car trip!

The last couple days have been better in the sense that I´m not constantly crying. It has been a very long time since I have experienced the intensity of emotions I have since being here. The anger, resentment, sadness and depression are super intense. The negativity surrounding me is disgusting. I barely even recognize myself. Who is this horrible person that has taken over me?! I knew this day would eventually come where life as I knew it would drastically change, but now that it´s here, I just want my old life back. I feel selfish that I don´t want to share my husband with anyone else. I´ve been the center of his attention since we met and Liliana has been papa´s little princess since she was born and now there´s a whole new family we have to share with. Please don´t judge me. I know these thoughts are horrible. I know I should welcome them all with open arms, that´s the type of person I am. But I can´t seem to get the negativity out of my head. It consumes me. I´ve been trying to find the positive things about our situation and I just can´t.

El Salvador seemed so different last year when I was here, but I don´t think it´s the country that has changed, I know it´s my view of it. This time I´m here, I know I will be here a long time. We did find a shower head that puts out hot water! That is a positive point. I couldn´t handle the freezing cold showers even for a day. We bought a king size bed for $260 for the 3 of us to sleep in and we replaced the shitty air conditioner with a brand new one yesterday. We slept well last night! It´s just the whole lifestyle down here that is so different and it will take a while to get used to. A friend of mine sent me a link to a definition of Culture Shock. It was actually really good to read to see I´m not just going crazy, that these feelings are very common for someone in my situation. I´m just praying I will start to feel better before my MIL starts to think I´m just a complete bitch! I´m really not, I swear!

The Reunion

As we got closer to Eduardo´s house, I was so tired I almost forgot what he must be feeling. He started to get really nervous and was asking what he should say to the kids and what he should do. I couldn´t believe how nervous he was! Imagine reuniting with your children you have never really known except by phone and webcam. We arrived and his mom Ana cried and cried. The kids were excited, but somewhat reserved. We were all overwhelmed, but it was a great reunion and I was so glad Eduardo gets to spend some time with his family after all these years.

The Road to El Salvador

We left San Marcos around 5am again and headed on with high hopes of reaching El Salvador by the end of the day. We got directions several times and different points and everyone told us to follow this particular road straight and it would take us to the road we were looking for. Let me tell you, this road went anywhere but straight. It would come to dead ends, splits in the road, through towns, everywhere! Somehow we managed to stay the right direction and were making good time.

In the mountains we passed stands on the road that were selling very cool purses and bags and stopped to buy something. I got a bag and got Liliana a miniature version. It was so cute. The guy had 2 children with him and we gave them some treats we had with us for Liliana. it felt very good to share with these people. The man spoke to his wife in their native Indian tongue. She didn´t even speak Spanish, which I thought was awesome. That was the best part about Guatemala. Theare very in touch with their heritage and customs. A lot of women still wear the traditional dress and they all wear their babies on their backs or in make shift slings! It was so awesome. I know my mommy friends will appreciate this.

That is something El Salvador is lacking. It is actually against the law here to wear any of the old traditional clothing or speak the native Indian tongue. The wars here really did a number on the country and the old customs have been banished away. It´s actually very sad. Eduardo´s Grandma is 93 years old and is one of the only ones left that still follows the old ways.

Back to the road, we did take a wrong way at one point but found our way back and were headed to the border. Once again we experienced a horrific border crossing and to get out of Guatemala and into El Salvador took 3 hours! It was deadly hot and it was 5pm by this point. We finally got through and it was only 45 more minutes to Eduardo´s house!

Lost in Guatemala

We left from Arriaga around 5am. We got to the border around 9am and proceeded with caution. As soon as we got to the little border town out of Mexico and into Guatemala, the car was swamped with young men trying to help us. From what I had read, it was fairly easy to get in to the country so I didn´t understand why we would need their help. We kept refusing until we realized the hoops you have to jump through just to get out of Mexico. We agreed to let one boy help us and he took us through all the steps out of Mexico and getting us and the car into Guatemala. It was a complete nightmare! We couldn´t believe anyone would consider this any EASY thing to do. It took several hours, but we continued on our way. We drove through the lush landscape and were making good time. We had hoped to get all the way to El Salvador that day. We drove for a couple hours and came to a dead stop in the road. The road was stopped for a couple miles. We followed another car and bus and went around all the traffic only to come to a dead end a ways up the road and had to turn around. We later found out it was Earth Day and the road had been blocked due to a big rally in a nearby town. This info would have been very helpful at the time.

We had found a very bad map, which was the best they had in a local town. Liliana was getting upset and we were all grumpy and frustrated. I saw on the map another way to go around, though it would be longer. We wanted to just get a hotel, but there was nothing suitable in the couple hours we had driven. I just drove on to see where the road would take us. Well it took us up, up, up and away. I have been to Colorado, Canada and even Alaska in my life and have driven up mountains, but this topped them all! It was a very windy road that never seemed to end. Liliana finally fell asleep and Eduardo was getting nervous as to where we were going. I knew it was long, but also knew we were headed the right direction. It started getting darker the higher we went and very foggy. It was a little scary at times, but I drove as well as I could. The view in every direction was stunny, absolutely picturesque. I can officially say I have been in the mountainous jungles of Guatemala.

After several hours of intense mountainous driving, we got to San Marcos. This was the destination and we made it! This was my 3rd favorite place we encountered. It was actually quite a large mountain city, but had very few hotels. We found a very fancy one and we were so excited to stay somewhere nice. We went in and were told there was a carnival in town and they didn´t have any rooms! So sad. It must have been carnival season. They pointed us in the direction of the only other hotel and we went. We settled for the lesser place, but it was somewhere to sleep nonetheless. We walked around the carnival, ate some Chinese food for dinner and went to bed.

I must add this is the day I started to lose my cool. My enthusiasm was way down and I really started to lose my mind. We just wanted to be home so bad I could hardly take it any longer. I mustered up any strength left in me, mostly for Liliana´s sake and carried on.

Immigrants in Arriaga

We slept in until 7am in Acayucan and headed out. We thought it might be possible to get out of Mexico that day, but were just going to see how the day went. We read that if we got to the border town in the afternoon, to not cross and stay until the next day. We got as far as Arriaga and couldn´t go any more that day. It was around 5pm and we were still 3 or 4 hours to the border of Guatemala. We passed a hotel on the main road and went into the small town. As we drove around, we started feeling very sad. Eduardo was reminded of his journey to the US in 2002 by seeing all the immigrants that had traveled up through Central America and were headed to the U.S. via Mexico. There were dozens and dozens of people waiting by the railroad tracks. They knew when the train would start going and they would jump on with hopes of not getting caught. We watched all waiting and felt very sad. I saw Eduardo cry this day. It was only 1 of 2 times I had seen him cry at this point. I cried too and our hearts grew heavy.

I know there are so many people that judge illegal immigrants, but if you had only seen the things I have seen and heard the stories I have from loved ones, you may feel differently. It´s not as though these people just decide it would be cool to live in the United States. They do it to feed their families and find a better way of life. They have nothing and have even less to lose. They risk their lives trying to make the journey North and it´s a long hard struggle. It makes me cry even now just thinking about it. This part of the trip made me so grateful that we are going through this Immigration Process. My husband is the kindest, most giving, hard working, selfless person I know and I am happy to be helping him to be able to continue the life he has built for himself all these years. He has sacrificed being able to be with his family just to be able to provide for them and I know he will never give up trying to better himself and his life.