Hammocks for Babies

Liliana hanging out in the hammock (May 2009)

Soon after Liliana was born, Eduardo's mom sent us a small baby hammock from El Salvador.  Eduardo told me how everyone uses hammocks for their babies to sleep in down there and we should try it.  Liliana has never been a very good sleeper, so we gave it a try.  Also from the beginning, she has always needed to be moving to go to sleep.  We tried everything before giving in to letting her be moving.  People always told me not to get her used to having to move otherwise it would be the only way she would go to sleep.  Well guess what?  It was already the only way she would go to sleep so we went with our guts and put her in the swing, swung her in the carseat, bounced her and anything else you can think of including putting her in a hammock.  (I will have to dig up the pics of the original hammock set-up)

Liliana falling asleep in a hammock at the beach (May 2010)

Eduardo hung our first hammock up in our bedroom above the bed.  She liked to go in there sometimes, but in general wasn't a happy baby for many months so didn't really want to be anywhere.  After a while she got used to the hammock and especially loved when it was warm enough to put one outside.  When she was outside, she would fall asleep in the hammock quick!  This is how I know she is my baby and loves the summer and not winter ;)  

When I first visited El Salvador, there was a hammock hanging in our bedroom.  We would put Liliana in there and swing her and it would be the only way to quiet her down.  I was definitely sold on the hammocks after I visited the land of the hammocks!  

Liliana happily swingin in the hammock (May 2009)

We went a while without a hammock in our room when we stayed with my mom for a while and I would carry Liliana in an Ergo Carrier on my back so she could sleep.  It was the only way she would.  Now we are in El Salvador and the hammock is just our way of life.  Sometimes Liliana will go down for a nap in bed, but mostly in the hammock.  She even asks for the hammock now when she is sleepy.  It's great.  She will sleep for a long time in there.  And if she starts to stir, we just give her a little swing and it's back to sleep.  She even goes in the hammock at night.  We of course still have one over our bed and at some point during the night she asks to go in there and will sleep for several hours.  It's always nice to get the bed to ourselves at that point ;)

Liliana in a hammock at the beach (May 2010)

The best part about hammocks in El Salvador is that EVERYONE has one or two or three.  But atleast one.  So if we are at someone's house for a while and Liliana gets tired, we just put her in the hammock and there you go...a happy sleeping baby.  We also have 3 hung up at our house so visiting little ones have a place to sleep.  Now if only I could get everyone in the States to have a hammock in there house!  Hmmm...

Liliana sleeping with her baby (Nov 2010)

Stand By Your Man

I was having a phone conversation a couple days ago that got me thinking.  In the convo we were talking about my next trip back to Indianapolis and how long Liliana and I would stay.  We travel back to Indy from El Salvador every 3 months.  I only get a 90 day visa each time I enter the country which I could extend, but the main reason I go is to make money to bring back to our virtually economy-less country.  The trips have been hard and I prefer to go for the minimum amount of time necessary.  The main reason is mostly about Eduardo.  I know Liliana is good at adjusting to new situations easily, but the international travelling takes a toll and after about 2 weeks, she is good and ready to be back home, which is now El Salvador.  

From the beginning of our Immigration journey, we knew Eduardo would eventually have to leave the U.S. and return to El Salvador to apply for residency from his home country.  We were nervous about that idea, but we were in the beginning stages of applying.  When the time got closer, the decision was fairly easy.  It was scary, but easy to make.  We both completely agreed that the best choice for our family was to stay TOGETHER no matter what!  I had read so many stories about other families being literally torn apart by immigration and I was determined not to let that happen to our family.  Eduardo's other 2 kids had grown up never knowing their papa and I was certainly not going to let that happen to Liliana.  Eduardo and her have always had a good strong bond and I wanted to see that continue to build.  It was hard saying goodbye to everything I have ever known and coming to a country I hardly knew, but I was willing to do whatever it took to keep us together.  That was what we are trying to do in the long run anyway, so why not stay together through it all?  

I understand this situation is not possible for everyone.  We are lucky Liliana was still a baby and not in school and I have a flexible at-home job.  Staying in the States trying to work full-time living on my own with a toddler just wasn't an option.  I saw no way to make that work without compromising my values as a mother.  And to this day I still won't compromise in certain aspects of our life.  

I'm not saying Eduardo and I have been the perfect happy couple in ES either.  Far from it actually.  This journey has tested our relationship far beyond anyone's comfort zone.  But we continue to rise about it and keep our heads up.  We know we can get through this and come out on top.  I know that if our relationship can sustain these couple of years, we will last a lifetime.  

Back to the phone conversation!  I was saying how it would be nice if I did have a place in the States I could go to for a couple months with a car to work.  We have been struggling financially and I am willing to do whatever is necessary to put food on the table for my family.  From the other end of the phone I got this reply:  "You wouldn't do that even if you had a car and apartment here because you just aren't willing to be apart from Eduardo."  I was taken by surprise by this comment.  Am I meant to feel guilty that I don't want to be separated from my husband?  Am I supposed to feel guilty that I want my daughter to grow up with her father through these vital early developmental stages?  I just haven't been able to get that comment out of my mind.  Yes, I will do whatever I have to, but I feel I have already given everything to keep us together.  What more can I possibly give?  And why should I feel bad about it?  I think the fact that we want to be together is a good thing!

Yesterday we went for a visit to one of our aunt's houses.  They had been in town and we gave them a ride back out to el monte.  I commented to Eduardo that Tia Minga and her husband Don Nacho are always together.  They go everywhere together all the time.  They have 8 children, have lost 3 and have endured so much in their lives, yet they have stuck together in a way I don't know if I have ever seen before.  He had even gone to the States one time and came back because he couldn't bare to be away from his wife.  Many saw that as a stupid move, but I see it as more romantic.  When I mentioned how supportive Don Nacho is of his wife, going everywhere with her and helping her in every way, Eduardo said they have always been like this their whole lives.  He said "it's because they love each other so much."  That really hit home and I respect them as a couple so much and aspire to be a couple like them even as we get older.  No matter what happens in our lives, I know I will always stand by my man.

Skin Color

Liliana just a few days old

When Liliana was born she had very dark skin.  I was actually quite surprised.  As she grew her skin seemed to lighten up, but was always a little darker than the other babies we knew.  Now at her ripe age of 2 years old, she seems to have the perfect skin tone.  People have always commented on how perfect her skin is going to be.  Well I have to say it's quite perfect now!

Liliana and her American friend Pearl

Having a mixed baby always seems to be a conversation starter.  In the States, I always found people's reactions to seeing Liliana quite interesting, especially if she was out with Eduardo and myself.  People would look at me, him, her, back at me and so on.  Eduardo was actually just saying the other day how this hasn't much changed since moving to ES.  It still happens whenever we go out.  But whatever, that doesn't bother me.  What's interesting in the States is when people see that she's obviously not just your typical American baby and this seems to make them uncomfortable.  Some women notice the mixed color right away and comment to me because they too have a mixed baby.  Whether it's white/black, white/hispanic, white/asian, whatever.  It's noticeable.  And I must say, not in a bad way.  Mixed babies are pretty cute!

Liliana and her friend Elise

In the States, Liliana is usually darker than her other friends.  She's not super dark, but she's not white either.  She's more tan.  In El Salvador it's not as noticeable.  There are people here with a broad range of skin color.  Some are really dark skin, some are in the middle like Eduardo and then there are people with really light skin.  I sometimes even think those people are white, but they are pure Salvadoran.  I obviously get noticed when we are out for my fair skin and strawberry blonde hair.  But if Liliana is not with me, people probably don't stare at just her!  ha.  

Liliana and her Salvadoran friend Sophia

These are the kinds of things that become realities for you when you are in a mixed family.  My aunt is married to a Korean and they have two beautiful children.   I remember the stories she used to tell me about what it's like to be in a bi-cultural relationship and they weren't always the nicest stories.   I suppose there will unfortunately always be prejudice and always be people who stare at us and make comments.  But I'm proud of who I am, I proud of who my husband is and who our beautiful daughter is becoming.  We are proud of our heritage and love the blend of cultures in our life.  We sure did make one amazing Cultured Baby!

Liliana and Sophia at the beach

Online Friends

An online friend of mine got their APPROVAL of her husband's visa from Guatemala yesterday.  I just found out this morning.  I couldn't be more happy for them.  Her son has been staying in Guate with her husband while they wait and now they can all be reunited soon!  We also have had 2 APPROVALS from El Salvador on the Forum within the last week, so I would say it's a good time for approvals.  It's such a relief to hear about other friends getting approved.  When I used to hear of approvals, I would usually just feel jealous, but since I have gotten to know people better and formed friends through my online forum www.immigrate2us.net, I feel a huge relief when I hear about their approvals.  I am so grateful for this forum and for Facebook, for which I would be a wreck without.  Thank God for the invention of computers and internet!

We will be coming up on a year in El Salvador in April.  Our journey still seems like it's going to be a while.   I have to admit I am slightly jealous of the faster processing times of other countries.  It just doesn't seem fair that because my husband is from ES, we have to wait extra long, TWICE as long!  But we are here and one thing I've learned is that complaining and dwelling on it doesn't get me anywhere.  So I will be happy for my friends and continue on.  Hopefully a year from now, we will be getting our approval and will be celebrating our victory!  Until then we will carry on figuring out how the hell we are going to make it through the next year.  I admit I am anxious for a change, even if that change is here.  We need a sign that we are moving ahead in our lives, as we seem to only be getting bad signs all the time.  Will we ever catch a break??

My Step-Kids

By the time I put Liliana down to sleep last night, the words for this post just wouldn't come together in my mind, so it's given me more time to think about everything.  This post is all about step-children and being a step-mother.  I know it's always a different situation for each family, but this is my experience so far.  

Maynor, Liliana, Daniela and Diana (our niece)

  To sum it up, being a step-mother has been frustrating to say the least.  I will give you a background to the children to understand where they are coming from.  Eduardo and his girlfriend got pregnant with Maynor when he was 18 just out of school.  She was still in school.  They got married and little over a year later had another baby, Daniela.  When Maynor was 2 years old and Daniela about 6 months, Eduardo went to the States to be able to provide a future for his family.  At the time he left, he and his wife had already split up.  He left the kids with her feeling that it was okay to leave because they atleast had their mother.  Then a year or two (not sure) later, Eduardo found out that his now ex-wife had left El Salvador and headed to the States as well, leaving the children behind.  This news was devastating because he had trusted her with them.

So where did that leave the kids?  She had left the kids in the care of her parents and had papers even written up.  The kids would then travel back and forth on the weekends, but not all, to Eduardo's mothers house.  I'm not sure if it was always like this, but it has been as long as I have known Eduardo.  So the poor children basically have grown up with their grandparents, only knowing their mother and father via telephone and webcams for the past 8 years. 

Liliana and Daniela

When Eduardo and I first got together, the knowledge of him having children didn't bother me too much.  Because our life was in the States it didn't really affect me.  He would send money every couple weeks and I knew he talked to them on a regular basis, but they were here I was there.  It was kinda "out of sight, out of mind."  Then when we decided to move to El Salvador, I knew things were going to change A LOT.  I was nervous as to how it was all going to work out, especially with Eduardo and I having our own child now, which upset the kids at first.  

Since being here for the past 9 months, we have had our share of ups and downs with the children.  It took them a while to warm up and there is still a long way to go with both Eduardo and myself.  They still live with their other grandparents and come here on the weekends.  Sometimes when they come, they are really happy to be here with their hearts wide open, but more than not they come somewhat reserved and stand-offish.  It has always been extremely frustrating for me.  Probably the hardest and most frustrating thing about being here are the kids.  It's hard because I cannot communicate with them and I desperately wish I could.  We try the best we can, but it's all surfacey stuff.  What makes it worse is that Eduardo's communication with them is not good and I wish sometimes that he would try harder to heal those relationships.  I don't always approve of the things that go on here, especially when the kids are involved, but I am often told "it's not my problem or business."  This is really hurtful because I want to open my heart fully to these kids and do all I can for them, but it's hard to feel to the desire when that's the response I get.  The kids are very close with Eduardo's mom which is natural.  She is basically their mother, but that relationship I feel hinders Eduardo's relationship with them.  

Fernando (a cousin), Eduardo and Maynor

I also feel that people in El Salvador just accept the way things are, they aren't into self-improvement or therapy or trying to heal relationships.  Atleast that's what I see.  Things are the way they are and that's it.  But that's such a frustrating attitude to me.  I have not been myself or the person I want and aspire to be since moving to El Salvador, but I do have the desire to be better and to improve my relationships, particularly with Eduardo.  I feel we need to model the behavior we want them and Liliana to see, but we don't.  Our communication has been terrible since moving here and we've grown distant.  I know that does not help in growing closer with the other kids.  But Liliana adores them and is so happy when they come.  She acts as the bridge between them and me and I think it helps to keep things light.  I am hoping our relationships can all change, only time will tell.

I had filed for residency for both Maynor and Daniela to be able to go to the States.  We paid the fees and were moving right along, but have come to a halt.  Their mother is refusing to sign the papers for them to get their passports and without passports they cannot get visas.  Everything has been put on hold.  It's very sad for them because they thought they were going and were so excited about it.  Now they know it probably won't happen for a long time.  I hope someday to be able to fly them back with us and take them to the zoo and to amusement parks and all the experiences of living in the States can bring.  They deserve that!

Nursing a Toddler

This seems to be a topic on my mind and of discussion a lot lately.  Then after reading this great article Breastfeeding until Age 3,4,5 or more on www.crunchydomesticgoddess.com I couldn't resist sharing my story thus far.

I always knew I would breastfeed and I always knew I would practice "child-led weaning" where basically the child decides when he/she is ready to wean.  But what I didn't know is what nursing a baby over the age of 1year old would be like.  For the most part I love nursing.  I love that Liliana still wants that special time during the day and night where it's just her and me.  Sometimes she plays more than not and sometimes I find that humorous and sometimes I don't.  One thing I know is that Liliana's nursing is teaching me patience and teaching me the value of what "extended nursing" is doing for our relationship.  I understand that it's not for everyone and have questioned myself at times, but I know that we will not stop until both of us are mutually ready.  There have been times recently when I have been frustrated by night-nursing.  It can be wearing on me and I find my irritibility a little more high when I haven't slept well. But in the last couple of days I have come to peace with it again.  I always remind myself how soon it will be that Liliana will be off all the time too busy for all the mami time, so I want to savor our "special" moments.

One of the great things about nursing a toddler is when she is throwing a tantrum or upset, she can sit down and have "chi chi" to calm down.  Sometimes she is too wrapped up in her tantrum to even nurse, but when she does, it's an instant calm.  The other thing is that Liliana has never eaten a whole lot.  She grazes all day long so I guess it's hard to tell, but she's always been on the smaller side.  I feel confident in the fact that I know she is getting a lot of what she needs from breastmilk, though she does still take her supplements and loves to!

The thing I loved the most when I first visited El Salvador was how open everyone is about nursing.  Most women nurse their babies and toddlers and it's not a big deal.  Nobody wears cover-ups to be discreet and noone is ashamed of nursing and they shouldn't be!  It's so different than how a lot of women feel in the States where I still get looks on the plane for nursing and get comments from family.

But here is what has been interesting lately;  One of our aunt's here in ES has 8 children and nursed them all.  Her youngest is a couple months older than Liliana.  He recently stopped nursing and since then, my MIL seems to think it's now time for Liliana to stop as well.  That's fine.  They can have their opinions, but that part that bugs me is that my MIL is constantly telling Liliana how yucky "chi chi" is and how it has poo poo and other yucky stuff on it.  Thank god Liliana doesn't buy into it, though she did cry the first few times her abuela told her that.  Now she just says "no, abuela" and continues to nurse.  There are lots of other cousins (3 and 4 years old) in the family still nursing so I know it's very common here and nobody looks at me funny anywhere we go still, it's just this idea my MIL seems to have gotten in her head.  And like most things that happen here, I am told to "let it go."  This seems to be where my blog comes in!  Here I get to write whatever I want and feel good about my choices as a mother.  I don't think I'm perfect, but to Liliana I am and that's all that matters to me.

Liliana and I will continue our nursing relationship until we are ready to stop and I will keep you posted when that will be.  She is currently 26 months old and going strong!  I love that this is the one place Eduardo really feels he has no control over and doesn't really bother me about it at all.  Ha!!

Yes, nursing a toddler can test your nerves and be frustrating, but it can also be rewarding.  As long as we both have mutual respect for the relationship it will continue.  I know especially in the States, nursing a toddler is "taboo", but there are so many women out there that are doing it and not saying anything.  How sad is that?  Women feel they have to hide their breastfeeding?!  This will be added to a future post about why I'm not sure how I feel about my own country anymore.

Happy Breastfeeding!!

Taking a break to nurse on the beach!

Trip to the Beach

Liliana ready for the beach!

Our Uncle Lalo from across the street came over last night and invited us to the beach today.  He offered to pay for the food and we just pay for gas and extras.  How could we resist such an invitation?!  So we got ready and left this morning at 9am hoping to get there in time to get a cabana right at the front overlooking the ocean.  Well that certainly was not a problem and turned out there were far less people than the last time we went on a weekend.  We went to Playa Metalio just off the highway to Guatemala and only about 30 minutes from us.  There are several restaurants to choose from, but we opted for The Blue Mary.  You pay $1 to get in and it was $5 for the cabana.  We took our own hammock so we didn't need to pay for that.  We also took drinks and snacks for the all-day excursion.  It was a great day.  We all indulged in the fish of the day, a platter that included the whole fried fish, salad, potato salad, rice and tortillas.  All for $5 a plate!  It was delicious.

This beach happens to be the nicest I have experienced in San Salvador.  The other ones I have been to have black sand that's not even soft enough to play in and lots and lots of rocks.  Not much fun I would say.  This beach is wonderful.  Palm trees line the beach for miles and the sand is just what you would hope for.  And no rocks!  

The only disappointment is that Liliana still doesn't like the ocean.  She absolutely LOVES water.  She will play outside at the house in the water for hours.  She's always loved baths and showers and likes going to the pool or the nearby rivers to swim.  But the ocean, that's a whole other level of water loving for her and she hasn't quite gotten there yet.  I can imagine how immense it must feel to one so little.  And the waves going in and out and making such noise must be a little overwhelming.  I am hoping one day soon she will begin to love it as much as her mami does so we can take long walks on the beach, collecting seashells and walking in the water.  Not to mention playing in the sand, which she absolutely hates as well!  She won't even walk barefoot in it, let alone play in it.  I'm not a fan of sand stuck all over me, but running my feet through it and playing in it is fun.  Like I said, someday soon she will hopefully beg me to take her to the beach.  She loves going now, just won't go in the water or near the sand ;)

Days like today make me grateful to live in El Salvador and not be in Indiana during this winter season!

La Mercado

The bounty of freshness I bought at the market today!
All this for $12.00.  Time to get cookin'.

One of my favorite things about living in El Salvador is the availability and variety of fresh fruits, veggies, meats, fish, breads and anything else you can imagine on a daily basis.  Every city and town here has a mercado, or market, that is open from the wee hours of the morning to late afternoon.  There are vendors that sell everything you can imagine.  It's like a huge Farmers Market.  I've always loved going to Farmers Markets in the States, but here it's a whole other experience.  Some mercados I don't like to attend as they line the sides of very busy streets and intersections, but our mercado here in Izalco is just the right size and has the right amount of safety for me.  I like to go every few days and stock up on the fresh produce I will cook with the following days.  Since the mercado is open 7 days a week, you can always find what you need.  And days like today are extra special when I found that okra and beets are back in season.  Two of my favorites!  I will be posting some recipes of what I make with various vegetables in the future.  

As well as the mercado there are street vendors you can buy from along any road anywhere you go.  And my favorite are all the people that walk by our house every day selling things.  We literally will go a week without leaving the house simply because we don't have to.  Everything comes right to us.  It is custom to eat bread and coffee every afternoon around 4pm so you will hear ladies walking around with their big baskets full of pan, or bread, every afternoon and in the evenings, yelling "pan."  Liliana has always found this quite humorous and still enjoys mimicking them.

  

Eggs Don't Come From Cartons

And chicken doesn't come from a package.  And, your chicken nuggets most likely aren't even chicken!  This blog has been inspired by two great friends of mine, Katherine and Parvati, with whom I've had the privilege of having real adult english-speaking conversations with the last two days.  Thank you ladies.  Something I got from both of these conversations is how grateful I am that my daughter, Liliana, is currently growing up in a country where food is about SURVIVAL, plain and simple.  And that it's actually okay to see where our food comes from.  But I didn't always feel this way.

When I first visited El Salvador with my mom a year and a half ago, I remember they were doing us a huge honor by killing one of their chickens for us to make soup.  We being the Americans we are, were devastated by this.  We didn't want to actually SEE the live animal which was soon going to be our dinner!  I remember my brother-in-law, Mario, telling his mother not to kill the chicken in front of us, to take it around back.  But I was still afraid of hearing it, this poor animal suffering, I thought.

Since actually moving to El Salvador 9 months ago, I have been witness to quite a few of our animals becoming dinner and my perspective has recently changed.  We have a chicken coop out back that is quite large.  We always have several chickens and 4-6 ducks.  One of our hens recently hatched 10 little "pollitos", or little baby chickens.  So we have quite the little family back there.  Every now and then we get eggs from either the ducks or chickens and we make eggs in the morning and we would love to raise enough chickens to never have to buy eggs again.  What I have realized is that we raise these animals in a loving, caring environment.  They have good food and a good home.  When they are killed for food, it is done out of respect and it is done out of necessity.  The people of El Salvador and other third world countries are not consumed with guilt about killing their animals for food, but they also raise them in healthy environments and don't put them in cages with 20 other chickens and pump their cows full of hormones.  They eat meat and eggs because they do what they have to do to survive.  And they actually consume the WHOLE animal.  I have never seen any part of an animal go to waste here.  The kids love all the parts that I still don't like and won't eat.

As humans, we need food.  That's a given.  Our American culture though gives us the idea that as long as we don't see where our food is coming from, then it's okay to eat.  This is actually completely twisted.  I have heard people say they won't eat organic food from a Farmers Market because it is "dirty".  Well HELLO!!  Of course it is...carrots come from the earth as well as all the other fruits and vegetables.  The grocery stores just happen to buy from large producers that spray crap on everything to make them look nice.  Most of them aren't even real anymore, it's all becoming genetically modified.  (I'm realizing this is going to need a new blog post do go more in depth about that. lol)

One of my shifts in perspective happened a couple of days ago with a wake-up call from my husband, which was a pleasant surprise.  I was worried about Liliana witnessing the ducks being killed and feathers being plucked for our lunch party.  We had another incident where she got a little upset by seeing the feathers being plucked and cried "no, pollo, no."  Although she had moved on from that incident, I obviously had not.  Eduardo told me that it's good for her to see because she sees that chickens and ducks (sometimes) are for food and that there is nothing wrong with that.  And you know what, he was actually right!  It's just my limited American beliefs that she shouldn't take part in the preparation of her food and see how it all happens.  Eduardo reminded me that if I'm not upset about it and make a big deal out of it and see it as bad, then she won't.  And he couldn't have been more right!  Our beliefs are what we make them to be.  It's sad how so many kids think that eggs and meat really do just come from the grocery store and have no awareness that an animal gave his life for that.  It's actually shocking.

And it saddens me how the average American child doesn't get to eat fresh fruits and veggies and organically grown meats and eggs.  We as parents need to be more aware of what we are putting in our child's bellies and heads and educate ourselves so we can in turn educate our children.

I'm so grateful for this multi-cultural experience Liliana is getting to have.  She's becoming so cultured!!

Living with In-Laws

More and more people I talk to have lived or are living with their in-laws these days.  Whether it's just for a couple of months or for a more extended time period, it is happening.  I remember when it used to be an embarrasing thing to admit, especially when it's not just you, but you and your husband and possibly even children.  Now when people talk about it, living with immediate or extended family can be seen more as "smart" or "money saving".  Some family member may still charge you rent, while others let you stay at no cost to you, maybe just groceries and such.  Each family arrangement is different, but there is one thing that always stays the same...living with family, whether yours or your significant other's, IS NOT EASY!

In El Salvador however, living with extended family is a way of life.  It happens a lot of the time.  People don't rent as much, atleast in the small towns, as they do own.  But not the type of own with a big mortgage payment.  Their homes have been passed down through generations and is seen more as the "Family Home."  In ES, living with your family is not seen as you being "broke" or "slacking off" even if it's well into your 20's.  It's seen as respectable.  Often when a man gets married, the wife will move in with him and his family and even raise their children in that setting.

Now let's get to the realities of living with family for an extended period, whether it's in the United States or in El Salvdor.  I have had the fortune of living my mom and her husband for 6 months right before we made the move to ES, to save money for the trip.  I also have had the fortune of living with my husband's mom in her home for the past 9 months.  Our grandparents lived with us as well until they both passed on since being here in ES.  We also have an uncle next door, an aunt across the street and another uncle next door to him.  As well as lots of cousins and their children and grandchildren that visit on a daily basis.  But now I have digressed.  What I'm trying to say is that both of these living experiences have been blessings for us as I don't know what else we would have done, but it's also caused strained relationship.  Living with family also has it's costs.  I am going to discuss the pro's and con's of the shared household.  Some of these may only pertain to El Salvador and some only to the States, but here is my personal experience:

Pro's

• You can save money on rent or not pay rent at all.
• If you have children, there is usually someone else to play, entertain, help them.
• Other family members may help with cooking meals and cleaning.
• You get to feel enternally grateful to have family that loves you enough to want to help.

Con's

• You no longer have a "personal life."
• There is no longer such thing as "alone time with your significant other."
• You have no control of when guests come and go and they can even stay the night without you knowing or approving.
• The other family members always know how you are spending "your" money and they usually have an opinion about it.
• In-laws may give your child food you do not approve of even if they know you do not approve.
• In-laws may feel the need to give unsolicited advice on how you should be raising your child.
• In-laws may end up feeling resentful for giving things up for you to live with them.
• You may not like the way others act or vice versa.
• Your relationships may not ever be the same again.

As you can see, my con's list is definitely longer and I actually could have expanded upon it a lot more.  But the thing is that even with all the con's, the several pro's are stronger and may even equal it all out. It's all a completely individual experience and each family is different.  I have been lucky enough to have family that has been willing to help us out in our time of need in the States, but quite honestly I won't do it again.  Too much has happened since then and resentments have arised and have caused friction because of the living situation.  Gaps have grown in relationships and it makes me really sad that's it has gotten to this point.  In El Salvador, we will continue to live with my mother-in-law well after the point that we don't necessarily have to because at the end of the day, despite all my complaints and moments and even days of wishing we lived alone, watching my happy baby play with her abuela (grandma) and play with her cousins, brother and sister so happily is worth it all for me.  And it always helps me to get some work done!  Also because living with family is so common here, it's not such an issue.

All in all living with family has it's ups and downs and it's pro's and con's.  At the end of the day, what I have realized is how blessed my family is to keep having more and more of our family willing to help us, especially during this process of immigration for us.  I really don't know what else we would have done.  I'm grateful for my brother-in-law that now lets me stay in with his family when Liliana and I go back to the States and I'm grateful to the rest of my family that help in countless ways, whether they realize it or not  And I'm grateful to my friends that have stood beside me through the tears and the complaining and all the not nice stuff.  You truly are the greatest blessings in my life.  But don't get me wrong, I will have my days like today where I want to shut the doors on everyone, but they are wide open so that I can keep my heart wide open (and I'm still working on that part).

What is your experience of living with family?  Has it been positive, negative or both?  I would love to hear your experiences too!  Leave me a Comment!!