Friday, May 13, 2011

Big Decisions

I have a hard time with big decisions.  Little decisions are one thing, but the bigger they get the more stressed out I get.  I think so much my head wants to explode.  The past week Eduardo and I have been dabbling in the idea of Liliana and I returning to the States for a while.  We have many reasons for this, but I was really scared to actually take the jump and commit to it.  I can't even remember what the thing was that finally got me, but I woke up one morning a couple days ago and just knew we had to go.  I talked with Eduardo about it and he was supportive.  Not that he wants us to leave, but he has been saying how he would feel more comfortable with us going because of all the violence here at the moment.

The next part of commiting to this venture was buying the plane tickets.  That is the most stressful thing I ever do. Having to commit to a day and time and shelling out so much money scares me.  But I took the leap of faith and did it.  Today I bought our plane tickets.  We will be flying out of Guatemala as it's significantly less expensive.  I'm excited about it because we will go the day before and head to Antigua, which we LOVE.  I can also buy all the artisan stuff for selling in the States.  A lot of the bead jewelry I buy is made in Antigua and we're excited to meet with our friend we met there who owns a store.

But I'm also sad.  This is never what I intended to happen.  I never wanted to leave Eduardo alone here and I never wanted to separate him from Liliana.  I have to admit I start crying every time I'm alone for even a minute.  It's breaking my heart, but I know it must be done.

I can make money at the farmers markets through the summer selling my Cultured Veggies and selling my Artisan crafts.  I hope to make money to take care of things like going to the doctor if I need to and seeing a therapist, which will help our hardship case as well.   But I also have to pay back the plane tickets and still buy the next round so we'll see.

I don't have an exact plan, but maybe it's better that way.  We will stay with my mom unless it doesn't work out and then I have a back of plan of staying with my best friend.  My thought is we will stay for 2 months, but I'm open to more or less time depending on how everything goes and how Liliana handles it all.

So we leave this Wednesday coming up!  We will head to Guatemala on Tuesday.  Since we are leaving before Eduardo and my anniversary we will have a day to celebrate just the 3 of us.  And then we are on to Indianapolis.  Well first Ft. Lauderdale, then Atlanta and then Indianapolis.  It will be crazy, but I'm praying we make it through.

I will write more about all this and our reasoning, but wanted to share our big decision with you all!


Heather said...

Good Luck with your decisions it is so difficult at times to make decisions, but I think you are making a good one. You can just go day by day for now and see how things go. Good Luck!

Rebecca said...

I know what a difficult decision it is you had to make. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family while you are apart.

Kelsey said...

Thanks ladies!! We are here now and going day by day as you said, Heather. It's hard, but surprisingly not as hard as I expected. Let's hope it stays that way!!