Thursday, August 4, 2011

Sunshine Daydreams

Is it Monday yet??  I keep asking myself this.  Fortunately I am keeping myself busy with work and playing with the cutest little girl in the world until Monday morning.  But being busy certainly isn't keeping me from thinking and daydreaming about the future.

For a long time I surrendered to our state of unknown about life.  I gave up on trying to figure it all out and about constantly wishing for the future.  I had to stop daydreaming about what life would be like once we were all back in the States together again.  

Well since Monday the daydreaming is back full force.  It's been hard today not to get carried away in how everything is going to be.  I'm a doer and an organizer and planner.  I like knowing what's going on at all times.  I think this is the biggest growth I have had since living in El Salvador.  Learning to let go of CONTROL.  If you are involved in the immigration process in any way, you know that you have absolutely no control.  For the control freak like me, this has been a good learning process for me.  It hasn't been easy, but I've had to find a balance in life.  

Today I just couldn't help myself.  I found myself on the phone with Eduardo trying to plan our future.  I wanted to know where we are going to live when he comes back, where he will work, where we will get the money for the place to live, what we will do in the meantime during the wait until he actually gets his social security number and on and on and on.  My mind when crazy for a minute with ideas and questions.  

Thank God I have my husband to bring me back down to earth.  We discussed some of my questions, but it wasn't really going anywhere.  He finally said to me very nicely that he wasn't going to entertain any more of my daydreaming until after Monday.  He said after Monday, he will discuss anything in the world that I want, but not before then.
I can understand where he is coming from.  We don't really know what's going to happen on Monday and it really is fruitless to keep trying to answer questions there are no answers for.  I just have to be patient and know that it will all work out like it has up until this point.
I never imagined I would do so well coming back to the States on my own for instance.  But it's been a good learning experience for me and everything that has happened has just happened.  There hasn't been too much to plan.  Opportunities just seem to present themselves.  That's where I get to step back and allow things to happen.  

Luckily my Grandma is coming tomorrow and will spend the night and we will see my aunt on Saturday.  Hopefully with all that and my markets and making veggies this weekend, I won't have too much time to daydream :)

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