This is what I feel like saying to people a lot lately. I get so many "oh, how are you doing" sayings from people that sometimes I just want to puke. I mean seriously, unless you REALLY want to know and actually care, then why ask?! Because when I say "oh, we're great", everything is fine and the conversation moves on. But if I hesitate and say "oh, things are okay" in a way that really states that they are not so great, the conversation then tends to move to an uncomfortable place.
I'm sorry if my lack of enthusiasm for our situation is uncomfortable for you. I certaintly do not sit around feeling sorry for myself or being depressed. I'm WAY too busy keeping myself busy for that. BUT, I'm also sick of feeling the need to pretend that I'm fine and that everything in my life is fine. Because it's not. It just isn't. I'm not okay with the fact that I am constantly worrying that my husband may be killed at any moment because everyone seems to be in our small town in El Salvador. I'm not okay with being completely broke and having to rely on other people for money and owing people money. I'm not okay with living with my parents and having other people judging every move I make as a parent to my own daughter all the time. And I'm not going to pretend I am.
I'm sorry if my having a bad day makes you uncomfortable. I'm human. There's only so much of the day I can fill with keeping my mind occupied. There's only so much I can do to pretend my situation is a blessing to me and how one day it will all be better. Some days it just doesn't feel like it will.
Today is one of those days.