Baby Liliana

I don't know why, but the past week I find myself looking back at Liliana's old baby pictures A LOT.  I find myself reminiscing on the first few months of her life and at times wishing I could just go back to that time just for a day.  

Liliana Cristina Tepas was born on December 2nd, 2008 at 1:50pm.  She was 6 lbs 12 oz and 18 inches long.  She was born into a birthing tub in the living room of our home after 17 hours of labor.  Giving birth was the single most profound experience of my life and I will never forget it.  Laboring and giving birth at home was the most beautiful thing.  It was harder than I ever imagined, but in the end worth any pain I could have felt.  

Not one person could have prepared me for the emotions that came with having a baby girl.  Having a girl was something I wished for and didn't know if it would be until she came out.  I have never experienced the degree of love as I did those first few days of her life.  I found myself crying endlessly completely overwhelmed by love and emotion.  It was so intense.  

Maybe I am remembering all this now as she is getting a little older.  I know she will only be 3 in December, but she is growing by leaps and bounds every day.  Eduardo will hardly believe how much she has changed in 4 months when he sees her soon.  She has always been her own little person with her moods and personality, but now it's 10-fold.  

At times it can be hard to handle, especially raising her on my own right now.  But in these last hours of the night when I see my baby girl laying in bed so peacefully, I get taken back to the pure space of love I have unconditionally for this little being.  She is my greatest gift and my greatest Teacher.  

Maybe I am at the time that a lot of women come to when they have another baby.  Maybe it fills that yearning inside.  I do not know if I will ever have another child.  I always say I won't and God knows Eduardo does not want to, but there's also that chance if it's meant to be.  It's not something I want really, especially not now, but we never know ;)

All I know now is that I love my Liliana more than I could ever put into words and that's the feeling I have to hold tight through the battles we seem to get into lately.  She really is my calm in the storm, even when she is the storm.