Monday, September 19, 2011

Baby Liliana

I don't know why, but the past week I find myself looking back at Liliana's old baby pictures A LOT.  I find myself reminiscing on the first few months of her life and at times wishing I could just go back to that time just for a day.  

Liliana Cristina Tepas was born on December 2nd, 2008 at 1:50pm.  She was 6 lbs 12 oz and 18 inches long.  She was born into a birthing tub in the living room of our home after 17 hours of labor.  Giving birth was the single most profound experience of my life and I will never forget it.  Laboring and giving birth at home was the most beautiful thing.  It was harder than I ever imagined, but in the end worth any pain I could have felt.  
Not one person could have prepared me for the emotions that came with having a baby girl.  Having a girl was something I wished for and didn't know if it would be until she came out.  I have never experienced the degree of love as I did those first few days of her life.  I found myself crying endlessly completely overwhelmed by love and emotion.  It was so intense.  
Maybe I am remembering all this now as she is getting a little older.  I know she will only be 3 in December, but she is growing by leaps and bounds every day.  Eduardo will hardly believe how much she has changed in 4 months when he sees her soon.  She has always been her own little person with her moods and personality, but now it's 10-fold.  
At times it can be hard to handle, especially raising her on my own right now.  But in these last hours of the night when I see my baby girl laying in bed so peacefully, I get taken back to the pure space of love I have unconditionally for this little being.  She is my greatest gift and my greatest Teacher.  
Maybe I am at the time that a lot of women come to when they have another baby.  Maybe it fills that yearning inside.  I do not know if I will ever have another child.  I always say I won't and God knows Eduardo does not want to, but there's also that chance if it's meant to be.  It's not something I want really, especially not now, but we never know ;)
All I know now is that I love my Liliana more than I could ever put into words and that's the feeling I have to hold tight through the battles we seem to get into lately.  She really is my calm in the storm, even when she is the storm.  


Sarah A.T.J. said...

That was beautiful! And tiny baby Lilliana looks so much like toddler Lilliana, loved seeing those pictures:)

Esmerelda777 said...

What a beautiful post. I love the tiny newborn pictures, and that she is your greatest teacher.

Tara said...

What a beautiful post. I loved the pictures as well. She is a beautiful little girl and has such a loving mommy!