"We can't plan life. All we can do is be available for it."
I was so excited about what I would accomplish on this trip to the States this time. The last two visits did not go as expected and I felt as though I didn't accomplish as much as I had hoped for. This time I was determined to do everything I was planning for and more. I even made a calendar and sent it to my mom and my friend that we are staying with. Somewhere inside I must have thought that by making the calendar with our schedule, I was somehow telling the universe that my plans must come into fruition. I was so determined to stick to "the plan", but inside I was fighting with myself because I really knew something would happen. And it did...
I will make the long story short. On Thursday Liliana got sick. Within 18 hours she had thrown up about 25 times. Add a case of diarrhea to that and you have the makings for one sick toddler. It was definitely the most sick she has ever been. She ended up with a fever the 2nd day that came and went. She is still recovering now and it's Saturday night. If she doesn't stop throwing up by Monday morning, I will take her to the doctor. It's the weekend and I don't have the money to take her to an emergency clinic.
Well once Liliana got sick, I knew my friend wouldn't want us in her house. She has 2 small children herself and one that was sick for the first 3 days we were there and had already missed 2 days of school. Sara couldn't afford to have her kids sick again and I completely understood that. So I called my mom. I would have called Mario, my BIL, but he has small children too and that would also have been a disaster. My mom had no problem with us coming to her house, I just wasn't too happy with how my "plan" was about to fall apart.
4 days later now and it's so hard not to question why I am even here! I would much rather be in the heat and sun of El Salvador than in someone else's house with an extremely sick child. I've already missed 2 days of veggie making and who knows how many more there will be.
I've always liked to believe that things happen for a reason and for most of my life I can look back and see how the sequence of events have happened in order for the good to come. But when you're in the midst of it all, that can sometimes be hard to see. I should have known when I made that calendar that I was setting myself up for disaster!
It's not really as bad as I am making it out to be I suppose, but it all has got me thinking so much. These plans of ours just don't seem to be working out. I think it's really time to re-evaluate and see what is best for us and if coming to Indianapolis every 3 months is really a valuable piece to our puzzle. Right now I'm leaning towards "no". I think it's time for a new plan.
But really, what good are plans anyway? I suppose it's good to make them, but just be open for the changes that will most likely occur and go with it. I'm constantly being shown how to be more flexible, that's for sure!
"Most plans are just inaccurate predictions."
- Ben Bayol, television producer and writer